AND IN THE END
by Patcat
Summary: Post LOYALTY
1. Chapter 1

My contribution to what will undoubtedly be a flood. Hopelessly romantic.

Spoilers for LOYALTY, Part II

In the end, there was surprisingly little for her to put in a box and take away. Bobby's desk was empty. He'd already cleared away all of his books and pens and magnifying glasses and surgical gloves and whatever else floated over and around and in his desk.

"He knew," she thought. "He knew it was over. I think it's been over for him for some time. Why did he stay for so long…"

She gathered the few items she wanted to take with her—the photo of her late husband's dog who'd helped her survive those terrible days after Joe's murder; the pictures of her father and her nephew (she wondered how she'd explain to her father that she was not only leaving the NYPD but turning down a captain's post, and how she'd explain to Nate that she was leaving a job she'd always told him she loved); and the Santa mug Bobby gave her to replace the one he'd broken in an overly enthusiastic description of a robbery suspect's methods. It was the sight of the mug that propelled her out of Major Case. She'd planned to speak with Nichols and to say goodbye to several other cops; to call Rodgers and tell her what was going on. She was supposed to meet with some representative from the Brass, who undoubtedly was going to try to get her to see reason and recognize she was throwing her career and her life away. But she realized that a great deal of her life had just walked out of Major Case and One Police Plaza, and that part of her life mattered much more than her career. She seized the mug and rushed out of Major Case. She'd pick up her other things later, or have Nichols or someone bring or send them to her. She thought she heard someone call her name as she moved through the bullpen, but she ignored it. There were, fortunately, no members of the Brass in the elevator. As she hurried to her car, she again thought she heard her name called, and she again ignored it. As she drove away from the building, she wondered if this would be the last time.

As she drove, the memory of Bobby's kiss and hug threatened to overwhelm her. The move had stunned her, but ultimately comforted her, and she'd responded with a long hug of her own. "Keep in touch," she thought. "Bobby said he'd keep in touch. I…I need more than that…I want more than that…"

When she arrived at Bobby's house, she realized she had no idea if she would find him there. As she parked her car, she saw that his beloved Mustang was outside the garage. Its hood was up, and she saw Bobby leaning over the engine. She remembered that he frequently worked on a car when he needed to think; they'd even solved a few cases over a tune up or oil change. She grabbed the mug and left her car. Alerted either by the sound of her car door or their shared ESP, Bobby looked up from the engine. He rubbed his hands with a rag as he walked toward her.

"Uh…Eames…What are you?"

She didn't know what to say to him. "You…You forgot this…" She thrust the mug at him.

Bobby stared at the mug and then at Alex. "Uh…That's yours, Eames…What…You left Major Case to bring me…"

"It…It's yours," Alex insisted. "The last time…You won it…"

Bobby placed the rag on the car. "Eames…For heaven's sake…It's yours…Keep it…Considering everything I've done…It's a pretty small thing…"

"No…It's yours…" Alex stepped closer to the car. "Anything wrong?"

"Uh…No…Just checking it out…Lewis…Lewis may have a buyer for it…"

"Oh…Bobby…You love this car…Heck…I love this car…"

"I don't think you can afford it any more than I can," Bobby said wryly. "With what I can get for it, I can buy another car and have some left over. And it's silly for a middle aged guy to have a sports car anyway…Even an antique one…Or maybe especially an antique one…" He stepped closer to her. "But shouldn't you be back at Major Case and not talking about cars?"

Alex intently studied the car's engine. "I…I'm not taking the captain's exam…And I'm not the head…Even temporarily…of Major Case…I'm not part of the department any more…"

"Eames…"

"Don't, Bobby…Don't tell me you're not worth it. Don't tell me to think of myself." Alex raised her head to look at him. She shook and clenched her fists, but her voice was steady. "I know what I want. I know what I don't want. I know that the job means we have to compromise and sacrifice. I just don't know if I want to stay part of a system that sacrifices people like Ross…And you…And when you left Major Case today…I knew…I didn't want it…Want us…To end…I…I don't want to just see you around…I…I want more than that…I…I want more of…That hug…"

Her head dropped. She couldn't look Bobby in the eyes.

He stepped closer to her. He tenderly touched her chin and raised her face, and Alex drowned in his deep chocolate eyes. "I love you," he whispered. "God forgive me, but I love you. I think I've loved you since I first met you in Deakins' office. One reason…I kept trying to stay away and push you away was because I love you and I didn't want to hurt you and…Oh…Alex…I couldn't stay away…I came back because of you…"

Alex was aware of everything. The sounds of traffic and birds and Bobby's voice; the warmth of the sun and the cool breeze and the touch of Bobby's fingers on her chin—it all flooded over and around and through her. She collapsed in Bobby's arms.

"Alex…Alex…Are you all right?" Bobby's voice softly rumbled in her ears.

"Yes…It's just…No one has ever told me that they loved me first…"

Bobby's hug grew tighter.

"Not…Not that that happens every day…" She looked up at Bobby and saw tears running down his cheeks.

"I…I'm glad," Bobby said in a choked voice. "To be the first…"

Alex's hug grew tighter. "I…I love you…"

Bobby rested his chin on Alex's head. "Do you think we should be doing this in public?"

"Oh…Who cares?" Alex laughed.

"C'mon," Bobby said. "I can offer you an iced tea…"

"So," Alex said as she sat across from Bobby at his kitchen table. "I suppose we need to talk about what we're going to do…How we're going to live…"

"I…I might have a consulting position with the FBI." Bobby gripped his glass. "But that would involve travel…And I don't want to do that right now…And I'm not sure I'd fit with the bureau…I could teach. There's a guy at Hudson who's been trying to get me in the criminal justice program. I've got a standing offer from Deakins…He'd probably hire you too…We could get PI licenses and open our own agency…I could write my memoirs…That'd make some people nervous…I can always help Lewis…He'd hire you in a minute…Probably before me…"

Alex laughed; Bobby smiled.

"Well, I have some money socked away…Should tide us over for a while…If…If you don't mind thinking of us as us and me taking care of us…

Bobby's hands closed over her. "You've always taken care of us…Of course I don't mind…"

END


	2. Chapter 2

So, it insisted on growing.

CHAPTER TWO

"Look…I could go in with you…"

Alex turned away from her study of the city's skyline and looked at Bobby, who was making a special effort to keep both hands on the wheel.

"That's kind of you," she said gently. "But I think they need to get used to the idea that I've turned down a captainship and a department head and resigned from the department before…"

"Before you tell them you're in love with…" Bobby shook his head. "Sorry. I'm still having trouble believing that."

"Why?"

"Because…Because you…You're wonderful…Because so many guys…Great guys…Fall at your feet…Because I've loved you so much for so long…Because I'm me…Because I expect every light at the end of the tunnel to be a train coming at me." Bobby smiled.

Alex reached out and gently brushed the soft curls on the back of Bobby's head. She loved touching him. They'd spent so much time not touching each other that touching each other was a wondrous thing. "I'm not a train. And I love you. But I don't want to give my parents…And the rest of my family…Too many shocks at one time…" She settled back in her seat. "It'll be ok. My Dad likes you. My Mom…Is getting there…"

"Yea," Bobby said. "But you're leaving the family business…And I'm the reason…"

"We've talked about this, Bobby. You're not the main reason. The catalyst, maybe…But not the reason…" Alex stared out the window. "There's the way the department treated you…But…It treated my Dad pretty shabbily…It didn't treat Logan well…It wasn't great for me in Vice, and the whole thing about Joe's murder…It…It was due…"

"Thank you for firing me," Bobby said after several moments of silence.

"What…"

"I…I can't imagine how hard that was…But you were right…It would've been much worse…For you to do that for me…Thank you…" Bobby took a deep breath. "I wasn't going to resign. Not after everything. If they wanted me out, they were going to have to push me out. There's a good thing…"

Alex snorted.

"I talked with a union rep. I've got grounds for fighting the dismissal. Probably wouldn't win, but it'd be plenty embarrassing for the department, especially if the whole Patrick Copa thing came out."

Alex winced.

"Don't worry," Bobby said. "I would never do that to you. And if I learned anything from Deakins, it was how to put the greater good ahead of your own. But for keeping quiet and going away, I will get to hold on to my pension benefits. They're not huge, but it's a help. And it'll make me feel marginally better."

"They going to let you keep your Medal of Honor?" Alex asked bitterly.

Bobby smiled. "The union rep told me he mentioned how embarrassing it might be if it got out that the department was shoving a Medal of Honor winner out. Said it stunned the Brass. The rep had read all of my file, which was more than the Brass did. " He shook his head. "I never really thought that medal would be useful…"

"It helped my Dad like you," Alex said.

"It…I didn't deserve it," Bobby said. He turned off the highway and on to the road which led to the subdivision where Alex's parents lived. "Listen…You'll call me if there's any trouble?"

"Promise." Alex crossed her heart. "Give Deakins my resume."

"I will." Bobby eased his car to a stop in front of a neat, small, ranch style house.

"And I'll call Rodgers to confirm tonight." Alex opened her door. "You're still ok."

"My schedule has become very open," Bobby said. "Like I said….You need anything…There's any trouble…Call me…"

"I will…"

She waited for Bobby to pull and drive away, both to make sure he left and to admire his Mustang. "I probably won't get to see it much longer," she thought. As she walked towards her parents' house, Alex thought about the hours after she'd rushed away from Major Case. She and Bobby spoke for a long time about what they should do. "Strange," Alex thought. "In a couple of hours, I went from no future to a great one, at least in my personal life." She smiled. It wasn't so much that she and Bobby had made decisions as things had fallen into place. They would live together-it would be cheaper; they could make up for lost time; and they'd just spent eight years in each other's pockets anyway. They could live at Alex's house--it was newer and still had a mortgage; Bobby's home was unencumbered by debt; he'd been considering selling it in recent months and had had several legitimate offers. Bobby had even shyly, tentatively, charmingly brought up the subject of marriage at one point. Alex's heart broke when she realized he expected her to dismiss the idea.

"Bobby," she said warmly. "It's wonderful…Really...I'm really flattered and a huge part of me wants to say…No, scream…Yes…But…I'm just getting used to…I've just realized that I love you…"

"Yea…And the truth is…I'm still trying to deal with the idea that you love me…Uh…I'm actually kinda relieved…I mean…I can't think of a worse time for me to be thinking of marriage," Bobby told her.

"And…And this has nothing to do with you," Alex said. "It's just…I…I've always been someone else…"

Bobby looked at her with intense interest.

"I mean," she continued. "I've always been someone's daughter or sister or aunt…Or wife. I still am those things to some people. Hell…I've even been known as your partner…"

"Not always a good thing," Bobby murmured.

"It's a very good thing and I'm very proud of it," Alex responded. "But…For the past few years…I've mostly been Alex Eames…And I've like it."

"I…I can understand that," Bobby said. "And since I love Alex Eames very much, I certainly won't complain about you being her."

They ordered pizza for dinner, and both Alex and Bobby discovered that, after several days of having no appetites, they were very hungry. They ignored their phones aside from sending a general text message that they were all right to a select few. As Bobby cleaned up the pizza remains, Alex called Liz Rodgers to make sure the M.E. was ok.

"I'm ok," Rodgers said. "But…Thank you…Alex…Are you all right? And what happened to Goren? One PP was buzzing before I left this evening…"

"They…They told me I could be MCS Captain…If I fired Goren…"

"Bastard," Rodgers spat.

"I…I did officially fire him," Alex confessed. "Because I thought…I thought it wouldn't be as bad or hurt him as much…Bobby understood…It…It did seem better for him…"

"But not for you," Rodgers said gently.

"I…Then I quit…Quit everything…The department…Everything…"

There was a long silence. "Oh, Alex…Danny…Danny wouldn't have…" Rodgers choked. "Oh…I'm sorry…I don't have any right…"

"It's ok," Alex said. "Really…It's going to work out…It's already working out…I'm ok…Goren is ok…Could I…And maybe Goren…See you tomorrow night? Get a drink…Dinner….Something…"

Rodgers recovered. "Yes…Yes…I'd…I'd like that very much…Call me tomorrow…"

"I will…"

Alex and Bobby sat talking on his couch after that. They discussed details of Bobby's move into Alex's house. He was cautious and tentative, worried that he was invading her home and life.

"Bobby," she laughed. "You're not invading. Your stuff…Maybe…But not you…"

He smiled at her. She lay against him, using his chest as a giant pillow, and his right arm wrapped around her. "My books…"

"There's an upstairs room that's pretty empty…I'll need to clean some stuff out…But I think that'd work really well…"

"And I can bring my shelves…The books are…Are really the important things here…"

"Well, I'm not lifting and carrying them all," Alex said and scrunched up against him. His arm tightened around her.

She expected-hoped-that he would take her to his bed, and he did, but only after she'd drifted to sleep. She woke up and was confused for several moments until she realized she was in his bed. Bobby sat on the edge of the bed, his head resting in his hands. He turned towards her when she stirred.

"I…I'm sorry…Did I wake you up?" he asked gently.

"No…How…How did I get here?"

"You…You fell asleep…I carried you here…That couch…I should get to it and let you get some sleep…"

Alex sat up and caught his arm. "If that couch isn't good enough for me, it's certainly not good enough for you."

Bobby turned away from her. "It…I…I don't know what…What you want…Or expect…I…" He took a deep breath and looked back at her. "I…I want to make love to you…Very much…But…But so much has happened today…And…And I feel so…So overwhelmed…And…And I want it to be special…And…" He smiled wistfully. "I…I'm not a kid any more…I…I'm pretty wiped out…"

Alex leaned forward and wrapped her arms around Bobby. "I…I want to make love to you very much too…But I know what you mean…Overwhelmed is the word…But…I'd like you…I'd like to sleep with you…Really sleep…"

His lips brushed her hair. "Ok…"

He found her a T-shirt to wear. She was touched when he slipped away from the room while she removed her clothes and put it on. Wearing a T-shirt and pajama pants, he returned and slipped beneath the covers next to her. He smelled of toothpaste and soap, and he kissed her cheek. She kissed him on the mouth, and for several moments neither of them could breathe.

"I…I need to warn you," he whispered. "I…I have bad dreams…"

"Me too…Maybe they'll stay away tonight…Maybe we can scare each other's nightmares away…"

"Maybe…"

Whether it was exhaustion, relief, or the fact they clung to each other all night, neither Bobby nor Alex had bad dreams that night. Alex suffered a brief moment of panic when she woke alone the next morning, but she calmed when she discovered a note from Bobby on the pillow next to her. It promised her breakfast in bed if she waited, but she rose, showered quickly, dressed and headed into the kitchen just as Bobby, carrying a large bag, entered.

"Rats," he smiled. "I was hoping to get back before you missed me…"

"I missed you very much," Alex said and kissed him.

When they finally broke the kiss, Alex sighed. "I'd love to stay here all day," she said. "But I want to tell my parents before they hear about it from someone else…Like one of my brothers or uncles."

Bobby frowned.

"And I should tell them in person…I'll call and see if they can have lunch…"

"I'll go with you," Bobby said.

"No…Bobby…I appreciate it…But…But if you're there…"

"They'll blame me…They'd be right…"

"No…No." She held his face. "You're not…I mean…There's nothing to blame you for…It's just…You'd be the lightning rod…They wouldn't hear me…They may not hear me as it is…"

She called her parents as Bobby fixed breakfast. Her father answered, and Alex thought he seemed to know something before she told him she needed to speak to him and her mother. Against her sense of battle, Alex agreed to have lunch at her parents' house; she would've preferred a more neutral site. She and Bobby debated throughout breakfast over whether he would accompany her. He finally agreed to let her go alone if she let him drive her and would call him at any sign of trouble.

"I'll be your out," he said. "I'll call you back and say I need you and then drive up. They can't get that much more mad at me."

Deakins called just as they finished their second cups of coffee and ended their debate. As she cleaned away the breakfast, Alex heard Bobby's side of the conversation. Deakins clearly hadn't heard that Alex had been the shortest serving captain in the history of the Major Case Squad and quite possibly in the history of the entire NYPD. He also clearly wasn't surprised at the reasons behind her brief tenure.

"He said to give me a copy of your resume," Bobby smiled as he shut his phone. "Said he thinks he could find another spot for one of his good detectives."

All of these thoughts rolled through Alex's head as she walked up to her parents' front door. If those thoughts hadn't absorbed her so much, she might've noticed a few of the car bumpers that stuck just beyond the sides of the house, or the bodies moving behind the blinds and curtains of the front windows. She might have heard the voices whispering excitedly beyond the door. But she didn't.

She knocked on the door, and her father opened it. He seemed to be trying to hide his excitement about something. "Come in, Lexie."

"Dad…Is something…"

A roar of cheers greeted her. Alex stepped back, almost tripping over her father. Much of her family stood in front of her, laughing and smiling. Balloons floated, and a large banner saying "Congratulations" hung from the ceiling.

"Oh, God," Alex thought. "They don't know…"

END CHAPTER TWO


	3. Chapter 3

Major hijacking by Alex's family

CHAPTER THREE

Alex hadn't felt so much fear and panic since Bobby hadn't called in when he was undercover at Tates. She struggled to keep breathing. "Ok," she thought. "The rumor mill…Mike…Mike musta heard…And he had to tell the whole family…But he hasn't heard the other part yet…"

Mike, her oldest brother, loomed in front of Alex. Mike was a good man, and a good cop. But he was a conventional and conservative man, and a conventional and conservative cop. Mike also saw himself as the guardian of the Eames family, something his siblings battled constantly. He fought against Alex's desire to be a cop every way that he could. He was appalled when Alex was assigned to Vice; appalled when she was partnered with Bobby Goren; and even more appalled when she refused to leave Bobby Goren.

"Oh no," Alex thought as Mike grinned at her. "He's had a few drinks…Probably a few too many drinks…"

Behind Mike Alex saw the happy faces of many of her family members. She seized her father's arm. "Dad," she hissed. "I gotta talk to you…"

Her nephew Nate—the nephew—ran up to her. "Aunt Alex is a captain," he said proudly. Cheers followed this statement.

Only her father realized something was wrong. "Lexie?"

"Dad…Please…Get me…"

Mike grabbed her arm and pulled her into the middle of the room. "Look at this! The Eames family finally has a captain!"

"Mike," Alex said through gritted teeth. "Please…Let go of me…"

He ignored her. "Beat her big brother to it! Head of Major Case!"

"Mike…Please…I gotta tell you…Everyone…" Alex tried to pull away from him.

"Mike," Alex's father said. "Let her go…"

"She made it!" Mike shouted. "A captain! Even carrying that whacko Goren…"

"Shut up! Shut up!" Alex wrenched her arm away from Mike. Everyone but Mike realized something was terribly wrong. "I'm not a captain! I'm not even a cop anymore!"

Alex felt the shocked eyes of her family on her. This was not how she planned to tell people about what had happened.

"Alex…" Her mother stepped from the crowd. "You…You resigned?"

"Yes…Yes…They made me fire my partner and my friend and then I quit…" Grief and rage rose in her, and Alex blindly turned away. She nearly fell over Nate, who looked up at her with wide, confused eyes.

"Aunt Alex…What…You told me you always wanted to be a policeman…How can you not be a policeman anymore?"

Alex leaned over. "I…I'm not sure I can explain it, Nate…I…I just couldn't do what some people wanted me to do anymore. We…We can talk about it later, if it's ok with your Mom and Dad." Alex looked up fearfully at her sister and brother-in-law. Alex was terribly afraid that by leaving the NYPD, she'd be leaving her family, or at least some parts of it. She didn't want to leave any of it—even Mike—and she especially didn't want to leave Nate.

"Of course, Lexie," her sister said. "Of course. Call us soon, and we'll all talk." Her brother-in-law nodded.

"I…I'm sorry," Alex said to the still stunned crowd. "I'm sorry…" She spun and plunged out the front door. She had her cell phone out and dialed Bobby's number before she was off the porch.

"Alex…"

"Bobby…Please…Come back…Pick me up…I'll meet you at the corner by the stop sign…"

"I'll be right there." Bobby had only driven one block away. "What…"

"Later…Please…"

"Of course…"

Alex walked quickly towards the corner. She heard her father call her name. She stopped, sighed, and turned.

"Lexie…You really resigned?" There was shock, but not anger in his voice.

"Yea…" Alex stood with her arms folded. She felt like she did when she faced Sister Mary Joseph and her parents for what she now realized was a very minor transgression in high school.

"The bastards made you fire Goren?"

"I…I thought it would be less cruel…And then…I resigned…Bobby thought that too. I…I couldn't stay…Dad…I couldn't…It wasn't just this…It's been coming…It wasn't Bobby's fault…What the Brass did to him…Our captain…Other things…It was my decision…"

Her father smiled sadly. "No one could ever force you to do something you didn't want to…Or keep you from doing something you wanted to do…" Her father looked past her. "Is that…"

Alex turned and saw Bobby's car pull up at the corner. "Yea…He brought me so I could have an out…"

"Lexie…You know we…We'll support you…"

"I know…It's just…Right now…There's so much…It's so hard…"

"That seems to be an understatement," her father said. "Whatever you do, your mother and I are there for you."

"I know," Alex said. "Oh…"

Nate flew out the front door. "Aunt Alex! Aunt Alex! Don't go!" He'd nearly reached Alex and her father when the boy slammed to a stop. "Bobby!" he cried in delight.

Bobby had stepped from his car and was walking toward her. Nate started running towards Bobby. Bobby ranked very highly in Nate's world, just below his parents, his Aunt Alex, and his grandparents. Nate sensed that some members of his family didn't like Bobby, but he didn't understand why. He liked Bobby a lot. Bobby never teased him or made fun of him or his questions. Bobby always knelt down so that he could look Nate in the eyes and listened intently and seriously to whatever the boy said. Bobby always tried to answer Nate's questions and would explain to Nate why some of them made Bobby smile. Nate liked Bobby much more than some of his relatives, especially his Uncle Mike, who always seemed to be teasing him and laughing at his questions. Uncle Mike sometimes smelled like beer, and when he did he often made Nate's parents angry and sad. Uncle Mike sometimes said bad things about Bobby and made Aunt Alex mad. Uncle Mike was not one of Nate's favorite people. It was something Uncle Mike said about Aunt Alex throwing everything away because of Bobby that sent Nate outside to look for her.

Nate hadn't seen Bobby in several months, and his visits with Aunt Alex had been less frequent. When he saw her, Nate always asked about Bobby, and his aunt gently explained that her partner was dealing with various troubles. Nate was overjoyed to see Bobby, and the recent events in his grandparents' house disappeared from the boy's mind. In spite of the fact that he was on a rescue mission for Alex, Bobby was equally delighted to see Nate. He loved the kid. He would've loved Nate because he was the child Alex carried insider her for nine months, but he liked being around Nate. His occasional forays into the city's wonders with Alex and Nate had been islands of fun and light in the middle of the storms of his recent life. As the boy ran to him, Bobby realized he'd miss Nate terribly if he couldn't see him again.

"Nate," Alex said as the boy rushed past her.

"Going to see Bobby!" he yelled.

"Nate…Wait…" Alex wanted to flee. She didn't want Bobby to have to face her family.

Bobby had dropped to one knee to welcome Nate. The boy sailed into his arms, and started a stream of words describing school, his new kitten, his latest toys, his basketball team, and how glad he was to see Bobby. Bobby listened with the greatest of patience and interest. Alex and her father walked up to the pair.

"Bobby," Johnny Eames said. "So the bas…idiots…Let you go…"

Bobby looked up at Mr. Eames. "Uh…Yes, Sir…" He stood slowly.

"You're not a policeman anymore?" Nate asked. He looked from Bobby to his grandfather to Alex and back again.

"I…I'm afraid not," Bobby said.

"But…But you're a really good policeman…You like being a policeman," Nate said.

"I…I know…It's confusing to me too," Bobby said."

"Goren!"

Alex spun to see Mike coming towards them.

"What are you doing now? What have you done to my sister?"

Bobby instinctively stepped in front of Nate.

"He didn't do anything to me," Alex said angrily. "The Brass did it, and it did it to both of us."

Bobby started to move, but Johnny Eames raised a warning hand. "Bobby…Why don't you and Nate go in the kitchen and try some of that lemonade the kids worked on this morning."

"I…I'd like that," Bobby said. "Could we do that, Nate?"

Nate was a bright kid, and he knew when adults were trying to get him away from something. He once accused Aunt Alex of trying to get rid of him. She responded by saying she'd never want to get rid of him but that sometimes she needed to deal with something she thought might bother him. Nate realized that a lot of the things adults thought might bore or bother him were actually of great interest to him, but that he probably wouldn't understand. This was obviously one of those times. His Uncle Mike was very angry about something. This didn't bother Nate, but the fact his Aunt Alex, Grandpa, and Bobby were upset did.

"C'mon, Bobby," Nate said. "The lemonade is really good…" He gently pulled on Bobby's hand.

"If you go to the back door," Mr. Eames said. "You'll avoid most of the crowd."

Bobby nodded. "Thank you," he whispered. Bobby allowed Nate to lead him back to the house.

Mike lurched towards Bobby. "I asked you a question, Goren."

Alex stood up to her brother. Their father stepped between them, and Bobby sensed this was a scene that had played out before in the Eames family. Alex looked at him, and Bobby read several messages in her yes, including, "This is not your fault", "My brother is an idiot and drunk", "Let me and my Dad handle this", and "Stay the hell out of this!"

"He doesn't have to answer to you, Mike," Alex said fiercely. She barely reached Mike's chin, but she seemed stronger than her brother.

"Mike," Mr. Eames said softly. "I think you've embarrassed your sister enough today."

Mike glared at them. "You've been away from the force too long, Dad. You don't know what Goren has done to Alex's rep. He nearly ruined her chance for any promotion. She finally gets one, and she throws it all away for this whack job."

Nate dropped Bobby's hand and rushed at Mike before anyone could stop him.

"Bobby is a good policeman!" the boy shouted. "Just like Aunt Alex!"

"And now…Stay away from Nate!" Mike's hand shot out towards his nephew.

Alex's anger at Mike turned to fear for him. Threatening a child—any child—in front of Bobby was like waving a red cape in front of a bull. Threatening a child he knew and cared about—one Alex suspected Bobby loved as much as she did—was suicidal. Bobby was in Mike's face and grabbed his hand before anyone could react. Mike stumbled backwards as if the rage in Bobby's eyes had struck him. Mike would've fallen if Bobby hadn't held his hand in a deadly tight grip. As soon as Mike regained his balance, Bobby released his hand, but remained in Mike's face.

"Mike…Who gave you the right to decide who Nate will see?" Alex's brother-in-law Jack appeared. Jack was quiet, patient, kind and judged people by what they did, and not by what he'd heard about them. His father-in-law, his wife, his favorite sister-in-law, and his son all thought the world of Bobby Goren. Nothing Bobby Goren had ever done caused Jack to disagree with these opinions. "Where you going, kiddo?"

"To get some lemonade with Bobby," Nate answered. "Are you mad, Daddy?"

"Not at you, Nate…And certainly not at Bobby. You guys go ahead…"

"I owe you babysitting," Alex said to Jack. "Until Nate has grandkids."

Jack smiled at her. "We already owe you forever."

"Thank you," Bobby whispered to Jack. "Thank you."

An angry and confused Mike stared around him. "How…How can you…Does Mary…"

"She agrees with me," Jack said. "She's not out here because she didn't want Nate to see how angry she is with you…For thinking you can tell us how to raise our son…For embarrassing Alex…For thinking you know anything about Goren…Nate adores him, and we like him. Right now, we don't like you very much, Mike. I'm sorry Alex…Sorry we embarrassed you…I suppose we could turn this into a wake…"

"I'm afraid Bobby and I may have a line on a job," Alex said. "But you guys go ahead…Celebrate something…I'll take a raincheck on the wake."

"Mike," Mr. Eames said patiently. "Go sober up. Apologize. Accept that you were wrong."

Mike looked distinctly green around the gills.

"Bobby and I have to leave…I'll get him." Alex left the three men. Mike continued to argue, his anger apparently not appeased by the fact he was wrong.

Alex sighed. Mike was the most Eames like of all the Eameses, for good and for ill. She understood why he and the rest of the family had been so excited. For all the years all the Eameses had served in the NYPD, one had reached the rarified heights of becoming a captain—Mike and an uncle had managed to make lieutenant—or becoming the head of a unit like Major Case. Most Eameses recognized that not being in the upper echelons of the New York City Police Department wasn't a bad thing, but Mike was blindly loyal to the department and couldn't imagine anyone wanting to rise in its ranks. Once reason Alex took the lieutenant's exam was to get Mike off her back about it. She'd told Bobby she was taking the exam and why, partly because she didn't want Bobby to freak out and think she was leaving, but mostly because she hoped he'd help her study for it and collect on her bet with Mike that she'd score better than him. Bobby helped, and Mike's wallet was considerably lighter.

She walked in the back door and discovered Bobby and Nate, joined by several of her youngest nieces and nephews, seated at the kitchen table and noisily sipping lemonade. Bobby turned to her with a disquieting expression.

"You want some lemonade?" a niece asked her, and before Alex could answer a nephew had thrust a glass in her hands.

"Yes," Alex said. "I just wish it had something in it."

"Yea," Bobby said. "Yea…"

END CHAPTER THREE


	4. Chapter 4

CHAPTER FOUR

Bobby Goren leaned back in the front passenger seat and closed his eyes. The last weeks had been an emotional rollercoaster, and since his life frequently resembled a thrill ride without a safety harness, Bobby Goren knew something about emotional rollercoasters.

"Ok?" Alex asked from the drivers' seat.

"Yea…" His eyes remained closed for several minutes while he tried to comprehend that Alex Eames cared for him. He opened his eyes and looked at Alex, who drove the Mustang much better than he ever did.

"Maybe," he said. "I should sell you this car since you're about to be gainfully employed again."

Alex smiled. "Maybe you should keep it since you're also about to take a new job."

Bobby stretched. "I don't know…Nothing definite yet and this car's an expensive proposition."

"You can't afford it, but I can?"

"You have other sources of income. But mostly it's because you drive it a lot better than I do."

"You flattering me, Goren?" Alex's eyes remained on the road, but Bobby saw the corner of her mouth move into a smile.

"Is it flattery if I'm telling the truth?" Bobby's left hand hovered over her shoulder. He was still adjusting to the idea that he could touch her.

"Don't know…It may depend on your objectives."

Bobby yawned.

"You still up for dinner with Rodgers?" Alex asked. "I could always go by myself."

"I…I'd like to see her…Let her know…Unless…Do you think I'd upset her?"

"Bobby…I don't know if it's a sign of your ego or your inferiority complex that you think you'll upset everyone you meet." Alex shook her head.

"Good point," Bobby said wryly.

"You won't upset her," Alex said. "She told me she'd like to see us both."

"She…She knows we've both left the Department?"

Alex nodded.

"She…She knows about us?"

"I…Bobby…We didn't know about us until yesterday." Alex smiled

Bobby laughed, laughed in a way Alex hadn't heard him laugh in a long time. "You're right…You're right…There must be something very wrong in us being so happy when we've just lost our jobs and a good friend."

"It is weird…"

"Rodgers and Ross…Where were they? Were they dating?"

"I'm pretty sure they were trying again," Alex said cautiously.

Bobby's mood darkened. "That damn DNA test…"

"Is that the ego or the inferiority complex talking? Bobby…That wasn't the only thing giving them trouble. His kid, his ex-wife, his job, her job…"

Bobby stared out the window.

"And this morning wasn't your fault either." Alex knew Bobby could blame himself for every bad thing in the world. "That was Mike, being a jerk."

"But…What if other people in your family…Alex…I know your family means a lot to you…I'd never want to…I couldn't…Can't…Come between you and your family…"

"Look," Alex said calmly. "I know you have this great opinion of my family and that the idea of a family is really important to you. But…But you know family isn't always what it's supposed to be…"

"If anyone knows that, it's me," Bobby acknowledged. "But your family…They're good…Especially Nate…"

"Don't worry…You heard my brother-in-law. And my sister is certainly on our side…"

"Our," Bobby thought. "Our side."

"I think even my Mom is leaning towards you," Alex continued.

"But…There's so much they don't know," Bobby said. "And if they did…"

Alex touched him gently on the arm. "They know that you're a good man. They know how you treat Nate. That Nate adores you…" She gently pressed his arm. "Why is it you always expect people to dislike you when they get to know you? If anyone gives you a chance, they always like you."

"I just don't want to hurt your with your family."

"You don't and you won't," Alex declared.

Bobby wasn't entirely convinced, but he didn't press the issue. "Where…Where are we meeting Rodgers?"

"A place near her apartment where we shouldn't meet any cops," Alex said.

"We're eating out a lot on the first day after we lost our jobs," Bobby said.

"But Deakins picked up lunch…Said he could deduct it," Alex said. "We can pick up Rodgers' dinner…It'll even out…"

"Yea…" Bobby stared out the window for a few minutes. "Uh…Alex…Would you…Would you like to go to Minnesota and meet my cousins?"

Alex felt ridiculously triumphant. Bobby trusted her. "I'd love to do that," she said. "I haven't been west of Ohio except for one or two times in my life. I'd love to meet your relatives."

"I…I don't know them that well," Bobby said. "But…Meeting them…It helped me…I've got a standing invitation to visit…And they'd like to meet you…I told them…A lot of good things about you…"

"Even if we take the jobs with Deakins' firm," Alex said. "We'll have a couple of weeks. I know we should do other things…And maybe save the money…But we've had a tough time lately, and I think we deserve a break. Maybe a road trip?"

"Last fling in the Mustang…First fling with you," Bobby said.

Alex smiled.

They'd arrived at the restaurant. Alex managed to find a parking spot not too far away. "One thing I'll miss about the job," she said. "Being able to park almost anywhere."

As they walked to the restaurant, Alex's arm slipped through Bobby's. "This is nice," she said.

"Being able to touch each other?" Bobby asked. "Yea…It's very nice." He struggled, as he often had, to not kiss her. The fact that he could now kiss her somehow didn't make things easier.

Alex stopped just outside the restaurant's door. She gently took Bobby's face in her hands, pulled it down to her own, and kissed him.

"Thank you," Bobby said huskily after they finally separated. "For doing what I was thinking about."

"I wonder if she's already here," Alex said as Bobby opened the door for her.

They found Rodgers seated at a table with an open bottle of wine on it. A half full glass rested in front of her. Her hair was pulled back, and she wore a red blouse and black slacks. Bobby realized that aside from a few moments in court, he'd rarely seen Rodgers out of her scrubs or ME uniform. It was disconcerting to see her in civilian clothes.

Rodgers stood uncertainly as Alex and Bobby approached the table.

"Liz," Alex said warmly. "How you doing?" The two women embraced as Bobby awkwardly stood by.

"I should ask you that, Alex," Rodgers said as they separated. "And you, Goren…"

Bobby and Rodgers hugged, at first awkwardly, and then with greater ease. Rodgers leaned into him, and Bobby felt oddly happy that he could provide her with some support.

"I hope you don't mind," Rodgers said shakily as they sat down. "I ordered a bottle of wine."

"Thank you," Bobby said as he poured a glass for Alex and himself.

"I heard from Mike Logan," Rodgers continued. "He's angry about what happened. When I told him what happened to the two of you, I was afraid he was going to go to One PP and take on the Chief of Ds. He said he'd be in touch with both of you."

"He's a good guy," Alex said.

"Yea," Bobby said, and thought of all the small, kind gestures Logan had made towards him.

"So, what's the official word?" Alex asked quietly. "Are we pursuing other opportunities?"

Rodgers sipped her wind. Alex and Bobby were reassured that she didn't seem to be trying to drown her sorrows. "I'm not sure…I know less about NYPD politics than Goren."

Bobby smiled wanly. "Unfortunately, I've had to pay a lot more attention to them recently."

"I've picked up some of the rumors, though." Rodgers turned to Bobby. "You are either in hospital somewhere or working for the FBI, the CIA, Interpol, or some agency so secret no one knows its name."

"All at the same time?" Alex said. "I'm impressed, Bobby…I really am."

"And you…" Rodgers turned to Alex. "You've gone with Goren, or you're about to head up a top secret squad that's investigating the Chief of Ds."

"I wish that was true," Alex said with an unpleasant glint in her eyes.

"Part of it may be," Rodgers said. "There's word some of Chief Moran's past may be catching up to him."

Bobby didn't want to think about the Chief. "Everyone…Everyone knows that Ross…That he was clean?" He felt as if he didn't have the right to speak Ross' name.

"You would worry about that," Rodgers said. "Yes…Everyone knows he was a good cop….That he was working undercover. No word on the specifics. Nichols said we had to trust on this. That you two told him that." Rodgers looked at Alex and Bobby. "The bastards really made you fire…"

"Yea…" Alex said.

Rodgers shook her head. "I can't believe it. All the amoral jerks and corrupt cops floating around and you two…God…Maybe I should resign…"

"Don't do that," Bobby said. "We've both got lines on jobs with Deakins' company, but I don't think he's got a spot for a pathologist."

Rodgers ate little of her dinner, and Bobby less, but Alex was very hungry. It was difficult to tell who was comforting who at several points. Bobby had the unhappy familiar sensation that he was on the edge of a conversation in a language he didn't quite understand. He knew Ross; he admired the man; but it was clear Alex knew and cared much more for their late Captain.

"Of course," Bobby thought. "There were those six months when I was suspended. Alex wouldn't let them partner her with anyone. She probably worked a lot with Ross then…She was close to Wheeler, and Ross was Wheeler's mentor…" Bobby took a drink of wine and realized that he and Rodgers had drunk most of the bottle.

"Thank you for this," Rodgers said as the waitress brought them coffee. "It feels so good to be able to talk about him. I…I feel like I can't talk about him with very many people…"

"I…" Alex held her cup tightly. "When Joe died…Everybody wanted to talk to me…To get me to talk…" She looked at Bobby, who understood that she wasn't comparing him to Joe. "I…I know they meant well…But…But I didn't want to talk with most people…Most of them didn't know enough about Joe or me or us to talk about us…And even with the ones that did…It…It was like if I didn't say Joe was dead, then he wouldn't be dead."

"I…I feel like if I don't talk about Danny," Rodgers said. "It…It's as if we…As if it didn't happen…"

"That…Both of those…Make a lot of sense," Bobby said.

"It…It…" Rodgers said tentatively. "It…Does it get better? Does it stop hurting so much?"

"It does," Alex said after a moment. "But you got to let it…It'll still hurt, but not as much…For a long time, I didn't let it get better…But…But someone helped me…" She glanced at Bobby.

"Oh…" Rodgers said after a moment-. "How long…"

"Just since yesterday," Bobby said. "Or at least…That's when we both…I mean…I…Feelings…Rodgers…I'm so sorry…For us…Now…" He blinked and rubbed the back of his neck. "This is so unfair…"

"No," Rodgers said firmly. "Don't think that way…I'm glad…The two of you…You deserve…You deserve happiness…"

Alex reached out and placed her hand over Rodgers. Tears formed in both women's eyes. Bobby stared at the table and tried to force down a large lump in his throat.

"Thank you, Liz," Alex said when she could trust her voice. "Thank you…"

Rodgers protested when Bobby and Alex picked up the check, and they allowed her to pay for the wine. Rodgers lived near the restaurant, and Alex and Bobby insisted on walking her home. Bobby welcomed the fresh air, which helped to clear the fog in his head.

"Thank you," Rodgers said when they reached her building. "I'll be ok…I promise. Thank you."

"If you need anything," Alex said. "Anything…Call us…Please…"

Bobby nodded. Rodgers looked at him, and then Alex. "You two take care of each other, ok? You're both pretty special." She pulled Bobby into an embrace. Stunned, he stood awkwardly for a moment until he slowly wrapped his arms around her.

"I hope," Rodgers said shakily as she slipped from Bobby's arms. "That you know what a good man you're got here, Alex."

"I hope I do too," Alex said.

Alex looped her arm through Bobby's as they walked back to his car. There was too much to say, and neither knew how to say it. When they reached his car, Bobby handed his keys to her.

"You drink too much wine?"

"Yea…" It wasn't just the wine. Bobby was confused by everything that had happened and was happening. He thought he was a constant thorn in Rodgers' side, and she'd just called him a good man. A strange exhaustion settled over him, as if he'd just run a long race or been in a fight. He collapsed in the passenger seat and closed his eyes.

"Where should we go?" Alex asked.

Bobby opened his eyes and swam in Alex's sea green eyes. The exhaustion disappeared, replaced by desire, need, and love. "My place is closer." His left hand hovered over Alex's shoulder.

She took his hand in her right one and brought it to her lips. Bobby nearly passed out from the emotions flooding over him.

"Your place," she said.

He rested his left hand behind Alex's neck as she drove. He needed to know that she was real. He got out of the car as quickly as he could when they reached his home. He stood just behind her and placed his hand lightly on her back as they walked to his door. He opened the door, let Alex in, and shut and locked it behind them. His keys fell to the floor with a great clatter as Alex reached up for him and pulled his lips to hers. He never remembered a kiss like that in his life. He didn't clearly remember how they got to his bedroom, or how he lost his jacket and shirt. He sat on his bed with Alex standing between his legs. Her kisses and touches spread streams of pleasure on his body.

"Please…" he whispered. "Please…Alex…Please…Wait…"

"Bobby…" He felt her smile against his skin. "We've waited for eight years…"

"I…I know…But…Please…Alex…" His hand roamed beneath her shirt. "I…I don't want to hurt you…"

"You won't…" She shivered as his large, elegant fingers swirled across her skin. "I…I'm ready…" She pulled her shirt over her head.

Bobby breathed deeply and reached behind her to unclasp her bra. "It…It's been a while for me…I want…I want to make sure I know how to do this…"

Alex smiled at him. "It's been a while for me, too. But I'm pretty sure this is like riding a bike. We'll remember."

He stared at her. "You…You're so beautiful…Oh…Alex…Please…This means so much…I want to…I want to remember…I want to remember all of it…"

"Oh," Alex murmured. "Oh…You good, kind, gentle man…Bobby…"

He dove and swam and floated in her soft and warm body.

END CHAPTER FOUR


	5. Chapter 5

CHAPTER FIVE

He woke slowly, an unusual experience for him. He usually woke with a start or a shock or a jerk, the result of a nightmare or a memory or the figuring out of a solution to a case. As he became more awake, he realized there was something warm and soft curled next to him. He breathed in its scent.

"Alex," he prayed.

They lay on their right sides. Alex's head rested just below his chin. Her silky hair brushed against his neck and chest. Bobby's left arm curled around her body and his left hand rested just below her breasts. Her left hand lay on his. His right palm graced her soft smooth back. Their legs were tangled together.

"This is real," Bobby thought. "It's real…" He carefully untangled his legs from Alex's and slipped from the bed. She stirred, frowned and turned on her back. She smiled, and settled back into a deep sleep. Bobby looked down at her. Her blonde hair splayed out in a halo around her head. No angel could've looked more beautiful.

"Two days ago," he thought. "I…I was getting things in order because I was thinking of ending my life…And now…What can I do for her?" He smiled. "Right now I can get her coffee…"

He leaned forward and brushed his lips across her forehead. His heart jumped when she smiled. "I hope that's for me," he thought.

He moved to the bathroom, grabbing his boxers and t-shirt as he did. He moved to the kitchen after the bathroom and started the coffee. He examined his refrigerator's contents and discovered he was out of milk. He knew Alex could easily survive without milk in her coffee, but after all she'd done for-to him last night, Bobby would've given her the world. A quart of milk was a very small thing. He slipped back into the bedroom and put on his jeans, socks, and shoes without waking her. The sight of her clinging to what had been his pillow nearly sent him back into the bed, but he managed to write her a quick note and get out of the house.

It was a beautiful late winter day. The sun shone brightly, and the sky was a blue that only nature could paint. Bobby's breath sparkled with little jewels. The young woman at the corner bodega smiled at Bobby.

"You're very happy, Mr. Goren," she said. "Happier than I've seen you in a long time…"

Bobby returned her smile. "Some good things have happened to me."

"What a strange thing to think," Bobby thought as he checked around the store.

There were freshly cut flowers near the register, and Bobby added a bouquet to his purchases. If he was any good at it, he would've whistled as he walked back to his home. As he shifted the package and pulled his keys from his pocket, Bobby smiled at the thought of Alex waiting for him in his bed.

"Goren!"

Bobby's mood deflated as quickly as a balloon hit by a pin. He took a deep breath and turned to see Mike Eames stepping out of a police car sitting in the middle of the street. Mikes wore his lieutenant's uniform and glared at Bobby. The young officer behind the wheel looked distinctly uncomfortable.

"Goren!" Mike shouted again. "Where's my sister?"

Bobby thought that it appeared that Mike had already decided where his sister was. The fact Mike was right didn't offer Bobby any comfort, or that if Mike looked at the right side of the house he'd find Alex's car parked there.

"Uh…Have you tried calling her?" Bobby managed to get his key in the lock. He vaguely hoped that if he could get inside his house he might be able to avoid a confrontation.

"Her cell phone is off…Which I'm sure you know." Mike walked closer. "She's in there, isn't she?"

Bobby opened the door and hurried through. He dropped his package on a side table and quickly moved to block the door. "I'm sure she'll talk to you when she's ready…"

"And you'll tell her when that is!"

"No…" Bobby shook his head. "I don't tell her what to do…No one can tell her what to do…" He spoke as soothingly as he could and stayed inside the house, but both actions further infuriated Mike.

"I want to see her!" Mike demanded. "Now!"

Bobby took a deep breath. "I want you to go away. I want you to leave my property."

Mike lurched forward so that he was nearly in Bobby's face. "I don't give a damn what you want, Goren! You whack job!"

Bobby flinched, but didn't move. He looked past Mike to the patrol car. "Officer," Bobby called calmly. "I want you to note that I'm asking—politely—Lieutenant Eames to leave my property."

The cop slunk down behind the wheel, and Bobby felt sorry for the kid. Mike had probably picked some poor rookie to be his companion.

Mike shook. "Let me in, Goren, or I'll…"

"I'm not a suspect or a witness…And I'll not throw the first punch…I don't want to fight you…"

Mike's right fist shot up, and Bobby stepped back.

"I'm asking you to leave, Lieutenant Eames," Bobby said softly as he placed his hand on the door.

"And I'm telling you…"

"Telling him to do what, Mike?"

Bobby and Mike turned to see Alex emerging from the kitchen. She wore her jeans and NYPD t-shirt, and Bobby thought they might be able to get by with a story of her crashing at his place because she was too tired to drive last night.

"Alex…I need to talk to you." Mike tried to push past Bobby, who remained calmly at his post.

Alex lifted her cell phone. "But I don't need or want to talk to you, Mike. But if you keep pushing, I will want to talk to your captain."

Mike, frustrated and confused, stood in Bobby's doorway.

"I saw that poor kid you brought with you," Alex continued. She walked to stand behind Bobby. "He's there so no matter what happens, you can say everything was Bobby's fault, right?"

"No," Mike said through gritted teeth. "He's there in case this whack job gives me any trouble…"

Bobby again flinched at Mike's words but didn't respond to them. He felt Alex press against his back, and he wondered if Mike knew that only the "whack job" stood between him and his sister's wrath.

"Alex," Bobby said calmly. "Do you want to talk to Mike?"

"No I do not," Alex declared.

"Then I have to ask you to leave." Bobby quickly shut the door in Mike's face.

Alex scurried over to the kitchen and looked out the window that faced the front door. "Oh," she smiled. "Mike looks like a demented fish."

"Damn it, Goren!" Mike yelled and pounded on the door. "Let me in!"

Bobby leaned against the door. "How long will he do that?" He spoke with a confidence and casualness that he didn't feel.

"I'll give him five minutes before I call his captain," Alex said. "But he'll probably stop soon. Bobby…Are you ok? He didn't hurt you…" She walked to him.

"I…I'm fine," Bobby answered. "A little embarrassed that he surprised me and that you had to rescue me…But fine."

"You're worried…That this will cause trouble…With the Department or my family…"

Mike's shouts and blows on the door provided a raucous background to Bobby and Alex's conversation.

"Yea," Bobby admitted.

The shouts and pounding finally ended. Alex moved quickly back to the kitchen window. "He's given up," she said, with no small amount of satisfaction. "I feel sorry for that poor kid in the car. And that guy in the car behind them."

Bobby rubbed the back of his neck. "My neighbors will love this."

Alex walked back to him. "Where were you? Your note said you had to get something…"

"Milk," Bobby said. "I needed to get some milk…"

"For my coffee…" Alex smiled. "Oh, Bobby…What is it you say? No good deed goes unpunished?"

"I…I…Uh…Got you some flowers." Bobby gently pulled the bouquet from the bag. "Just from the store, but…"

"They're beautiful," Alex said. "Thank you…And thank you for last night…"

Bobby reddened and stared at his feet. "Thank you…It was…It was wonderful…It…It meant so much to me, Alex…I…I love you so much…And you…You were…" He began to pace.

Alex walked up to him and wrapped her arms around him. Bobby lowered his head so that their foreheads touched. "C'mon," she said tenderly. "Let's get some coffee…And talk."

"What's there to talk about?" Bobby said in despair. "Your brother hates me, and he'll make all your family…"

"Bobby…" She silenced him by kissing him. "Boy…If I knew that would've worked at getting you quiet…" She took him by the hand and led him into the kitchen. "In spite of his best…Or worst…Efforts, Mike will not change my family's feelings about you."

"But…But when he tells them that…That we're together…" Bobby took a cup of coffee from Alex. "How will they…"

"My sisters will be happy for me," Alex declared as she sat across from him. "My brothers…Aside from Mike…Will know not to challenge me. My Mom…" Alex shook her head. "Well…She expects me to do things of which she does not approve. She'll tell me so, I'll tell her to stay out of my life. We'll go to our corners, and then come out and shake hands until the next time." Alex smiled. "I think she likes the contests. My Dad just wants me to be happy. And you…" She reached across the table to cup Bobby's chin. "Make me very happy…"

Alex had no idea how she wound up back in Bobby's bed. Her t-shirt was already on the floor, and her jeans were in the process of joining them. Bobby created swirls of pleasure wherever he touched and kissed her, making flames and then cooling and soothing them.

"Do you," he whispered in a voice so soft and low that Alex wasn't sure if he actually said the words. "Want me to stop?"

"No…No…Please…Bobby…Bobby…"

The few seconds he took to remove his own clothes were agonizing. And then Alex swam in a warm pool of love.

END CHAPTER FIVE


	6. Chapter 6

CHAPTER SIX

They lay tangled together, neither daring to move for fear of disturbing their wonderful connection. They were aware of everything and nothing; awake but not awake; more alive than either had ever felt. A warm, rich, familiar scent reached them.

"Coffee," Alex murmured.

Bobby laughed softly and reluctantly slipped from her arms. He rolled on his back, and Alex snuggled up on his chest.

"Well," he said as his right hand traced warm patterns on her back. "I guess I know where I rank in comparison to your addictions."

"Don't you want me alert and active?" Alex asked playfully.

Her right hand rested on the point where his left shoulder joined his chest. In the mid morning light she could clearly see some of the scars she'd dimly seen and felt the night before. She was about to cautiously ask about the scars when Bobby's phone rang. He glanced at the caller ID and groaned.

"What? Who is it?" Alex asked.

"My buddy from the CHRONICLE," Bobby sighed. "He's been trying to get me to confirm some rumors the past few weeks. I keep telling him I'm the last person to know about them…He doesn't know I'm gone from the force or was on suspension."

The call went to voice mail, and Alex and Bobby heard a plea for information, followed by a comment that there were rumors of turmoil in the highest levels of the NYPD.

"Oh, great," Alex muttered.

"Sound like we might be getting out while the getting out's good," Bobby said.

"Oh…I just want to get away…" Alex looked up at Bobby. "How soon could we visit your relatives?"

Bobby considered the question. "Well…The invitation is an open one…If we drove…We could take our time and give them plenty of warning. The house is pretty clean…One of the things I did when I was…I could tell the realtor to start showing it…I certainly don't need to be around for that…And it's not that I'm really fond of this place…I look at it as a place to keep my stuff…"

Alex's cell phone chirped.

"My sister…Mary…" Alex groaned. "I bet she's warning me that Mike is trying to rally the family to his side…Which he won't…Look…Deakins said he couldn't give us a definite answer for a while…We need some time to get our resumes updated, and if we took our laptops with us…I can talk to Mary and she can tell the rest of my family. My neighbors are always willing to watch my house."

"So are mine…You…You sure…"

"Yea…We'll just have to promise that we'll bring Nate something…"

"Like a giant stuffed moose?"

Alex laughed. "He already has plenty of giant stuffed everythings, but one more won't hurt. I can pack fast."

"So can I…Are…Are you sure about this? I mean…We've just lost our jobs, and we're planning to light out for the wild west," Bobby said.

"If your male ego can stand it," Alex said. "I can help. I'm comfortable, and I've got money stashed away. I haven't had a real vacation in years."

"Well," Bobby said mischievously. "We could just stay here." He kissed her.

Bobby's cell phone rang.

"Or we can get out of Dodge," he said. "C'mon…Let's get breakfast and talk about where we're going…"

As they ate breakfast, Bobby pointed out that they could shoot across Pennsylvania, Ohio, Indiana and Illinois and then turn north ("Fast, but boring," Bobby noted); or go up to the Canadian/US border and follow the Great Lakes ("Slower, more beautiful, but the weather's chancy. Coming back that way would make more sense."); or drive to follow the Ohio River to the Mississippi and turn north ("Takes us really out of our way, but really beautiful, especially at this time of year.").

Alex looked longingly at the map on Bobby's laptop. "I've never seen the Mississippi…That might be fun…"

"It'd involve the two of us in the Mustang for a couple of weeks going out there…Although we could always find a faster route to get back if we start driving each other crazy," Bobby said. "A real test of…Of whatever we've got…"

He smiled, and Alex thought that she'd seen him smile more in the past forty eight hours than in all of the past three or four years.

"It can't be worse than huddling together in a van or car while we're undercover," Alex said.

"We need to understand," Bobby said. "That we may need to get away from each other sometimes. Heck…I need to get away from me sometimes…"

"Ok," Alex said. "But no "She's going to leave me" or "I'm not good enough for her" or "I'm ruining her life" the first time we disagree about something or I snap at you because I haven't had my coffee."

"I'll try," Bobby promised. "But…Well…You know…" He waved a large paw.

They called everyone they needed or wanted to know. Deakins was happy to hear that they were taking some time and told them not to worry about future employment. Lewis was happy to hear that Bobby was taking the Mustang on a last great road trip. Their respective neighbors were happy to watch their respective homes. As Bobby packed, Alex called her sister Mary.

"So…You're with Bobby?"

"So…Mike's already talked…" Alex said.

"Yep…And I'm happy for you, Lex. Worried…But happy…Did Bobby really shut the door in Mike's face?"

"He did."

"Good for Bobby. Listen, though…Tell Bobby to watch out till you guys get out of town. You know what Mike is like when he gets on the warpath…"

"Yea…" Alex sighed. "But he'll cool off and be ready to buy Bobby a beer in a week or so."

"You guys have a good time…You deserve it…And please…Don't buy Nate every cute thing you see…"

Bobby noticed the black and white parked at the corner when he dropped off a key at his neighbors. He pointed it out to Alex when he came back to the house.

"Mike," she said angrily.

"Or maybe someone keeping an eye on us," Bobby said. "Or maybe I'm paranoid…"

Alex sighed. "Whoever or whatever, they may be watching my house…And I gotta get my stuff…"

"We'll sneak away," Bobby said. "You leave your car here…You can hide in my backseat…And I'll drive you to your place. We'll sneak in, and then hightail it out of town."

Alex frowned. "I don't like the idea of running away…But I'm also tired of fighting right now."

"Think of it as a strategic retreat," Bobby said.

Alex saluted. "Yes Sir, General Goren."

Bobby smiled. "You sure about this?"

"Yes…I want to get away…More than that…I want to get away with you…"

The patrol car was still at the end of the street when Bobby drove the Mustang away from his house. Alex hunkered down in the back seat.

"Damn…Bobby…What's in this bag? A library…"

"Just the essentials and my computer," Bobby said evenly. He checked his rear view mirror. "They're not following us…So maybe I'm just being paranoid…"

"We…" Alex said. "We're being paranoid…And I don't think we really are…"

After a few blocks, when they both were convinced they weren't being followed, Alex moved to the front seat. Bobby followed Alex's directions and reached the back of her house. They entered through the back door. Bobby walked through the house and peered out through a front window.

"There it is," he said sadly.

Alex looked out another window. "This…This doesn't seem like something Mike would do," she said. "He couldn't get two cars…"

"Someone wants to keep track of us," Bobby said.

"Well…Let's get out of here and give them something to track," Alex said.

Bobby admired many things about Alex Eames—one of them was her ability to pack quickly. Within a few minutes of their arrival, he was placing her bags in the Mustang while Alex took a spare key to a neighbor. He grew nervous as several moments passed before Alex returned. He was about to go after her when she appeared in front of the car.

"Sorry," she said. "Mrs. Wexstein is a great neighbor, but one of the reasons she's a great neighbor is because she's curious."

"What did you tell her?" Bobby was obviously relieved.

"That I was going on a vacation with a friend. She said it was about time I took a break."

"Ok." Bobby shut the trunk lid. "We ready?"

"Just let me check the house."

Bobby followed her into the house. He stood nervously in her living room and jiggled his keys. He couldn't shake a vague sense of dread. A web appeared to be weaving around Alex and himself. He looked anxiously out the window.

"Ok," Alex said as she entered the room. "I'm ready…Let's get out of here…"

"Yea…And right away…Look…"

Alex looked out a window and saw a uniform step from the black and white. She wordlessly followed Bobby out the back door, shut it, and locked it. They quickly slipped into Bobby's car, and he drove through the alley to the street.

Bobby drove carefully and efficiently, one eye on the rear view mirror. Alex thought he was a very good driver.

"But then," she thought. "He's usually pretty good at whatever he focuses on…Like this morning with me…"

The rush hour traffic didn't help their anxious and tense moods. It seemed hours before they were outside the boundaries of New York City, and the sight of every police car—and it seemed every NYPD patrol car was out that afternoon—raised their heartbeats.

"Now I know how bad guys feel," Alex commented as she watched a black and white weave in and out of traffic in front of them.

Bobby smiled wanly. "Only the ones with a conscience," he said.

They finally reached the New Jersey Turnpike.

"All right," Bobby said. "With a little luck we'll be near Pittsburgh before midnight. And tomorrow we'll see the beginning of the Ohio River."

"And how much trouble can we get into in Pittsburgh?" Alex asked.

END CHAPTER SIX


	7. Chapter 7

I apologize for the delay in getting this chapter up. It took forever to get Alex and Bobby near Pittsburgh.

CHAPTER SEVEN

Bobby drove for about two hours before they stopped for food and gas. He happily turned the car over to Alex, opened his laptop, and began working on his resume.

"So," he said to Alex. "How are you going to deal with your departure from the department?"

"I'm hoping I won't have to actually deal with my resume," Alex said. "There's Deakins…And maybe we'll find some small town that needs a sheriff to clean it up."

Bobby smiled. "Could I be your deputy?"

"I wouldn't want anyone else."

The sky darkened, and after about two hours, Bobby insisted on taking over the driving.

"We should stop in a couple of hours," he said. "We'll be close enough to Pittsburgh that we can get in the city early enough tomorrow to see some sites and then still have some travel time."

"You won't get too tired?"

"With you in the car, I'll be really, really careful."

Alex tried to read, but her eyes grew heavy. Before she knew what was happening, she was asleep. She wasn't certain what woke her up. It wasn't the classical music coming from the radio that had violins performing some kind of magic. It wasn't that Bobby had turned off her small reading light or that he'd placed a light blanket over her. It might have been the lights of a passing car or truck. Alex looked up at Bobby and watched as the flickering lights painted bright patterns on his pale face. His face was terribly familiar to her. She'd seen it nearly every day for nearly ten years. She'd known Bobby longer than she'd been married—nearly twice as longer. And, complicated and reserved as he was, she knew Bobby better than she'd ever known Joe. And, she realized, she wanted to know Bobby more than she'd ever wanted to know Joe, perhaps because Bobby had always wanted to know her in ways Joe never had.

She stared out the passenger window at the passing darkness. She loved Joe; she knew that. If she hadn't had her family and the job, she wouldn't have survived his death. Even with her job and her family, there were times she was certain she wasn't going to survive Joe's death. But one reason Joe's death hurt so much was because their marriage was in a bad spot when he was murdered. They had an argument the day he was killed, the same one they'd been having with increasing frequency and intensity in the weeks before his death. The one about how it was time for Alex to move to a safer division or to administration or even leave the Department, and how it was time for them to start a family. Things were worse because Alex's obstetrician had called that morning with the confirmation that Alex was pregnant. She was about to tell Joe when he started complaining about her quick rise in the ranks and telling her she needed to leave Vice. He found all of her weak spots and fears, and Alex reacted as she always did when she was afraid. She got angry, and she didn't tell him about the baby, and by the time she had cooled off, she was in the hospital sitting next to Joe's bed and watching him die.

Bobby knew about this, just as he knew about how she lost the baby two days after Joe's funeral. She'd told him about when she learned that the night of Joe's murder was the same night Bobby was wounded during the actions that won him his Medal of Honor.

"I wonder," Alex thought as she stared out the window. "If he'd lived, would Joe and I still be married? Would I be part of the Brass? Would I be at home with a bunch of kids? Would Nate exist? If I had kids of my own, would I have been willing to do that for my sister? Would I be like Kevin Quinn's wife? I thought I knew what I wanted…And then I met Bobby…Is he why? No…No…I always wanted to be a good cop…Not a part of the Brass…Bobby might have pulled or pushed me…But I wanted to go in that direction…I'm not unhappy…I don't have a job…Parts of my family are really upset with me…But…It's not just that I'm not unhappy…I'm happy…Really happy…"

Bobby was pleased with their progress. They weren't on a particularly strict schedule. He'd told his cousins to expect them in about two to three weeks. Their happy reactions stunned Bobby. They were eager to see him, even more eager to meet Alex. They responded sympathetically when he told them he'd lost his job, but didn't press for details. When Bobby stressed that he wasn't looking for any kind of a handout, they laughed and told him not to worry, that they'd put him to work on the farm. His young cousin Molly—who insisted on calling him "Uncle Bobby"—spoke briefly with him. She was terribly excited to learn Bobby was coming for a visit and that Alex was coming with him. Molly almost convinced Bobby to take the quickest route to his cousin's home. But he wanted to spend time with Alex, and he was pleased that Alex fell in with his suggestion that they follow the Ohio and Mississippi rivers. It was a road trip he'd always wanted to take. He had happy memories of his brief encounters with both rivers and the cities and people near them. He had a wildly romantic view of rivers, fueled by his reading, and there was a copy of Mark Twain's LIFE ON THE MISSISSIPPI in his backpack, along with a biography of Abraham Lincoln and essays by James Thurber and Garrison Keillor. He expected to pick up more books with regional connections along the way. He hoped Alex might allow him to read aloud some of the books while she drove. His heart grew lighter as he drove, and Bobby thought he might feel something close to what the pioneers felt when they travelled over the Allegheny Mountains in search of the future.

"Of course," he thought wryly. "The pioneers used actual horses, not a car named for one."

When Alex's book slipped from her fingers and Bobby saw she was asleep, he carefully pulled the Mustang to the side of the highway. He got the blanket from the backseat and gently placed it over her. He checked the now much lighter traffic and pulled back on the highway. He was still disturbed by those two police cars near his and Alex's homes. He agreed with Alex that her brother might set one car on them—or rather on him—but the logical alternative that someone else wanted to keep track of them worried him. Bobby wasn't as confrontational as Alex, and he was glad that he went with his instincts and didn't confront the cop who left the car posted outside Alex's house. He hoped that whoever was interested in Alex and his activities would limit their spying to New York City and its immediate environs.

He reflected that three weeks ago he was on a very different sort of journey headed to an unknown destination. When he entered that store, Bobby didn't know where he might end up and didn't care beyond learning who was responsible for Ross' death. He sensed—knew, really—that his career with the NYPD was over. He'd attacked a suspect, FBI agents, and court officers. It didn't matter that the suspect probably was involved in the killing of a NYPD captain, that the FBI agents were blocking the investigation of that killing, or that the court officers should have been helping Eames and him serve a warrant. It was the final nail in the coffin containing his NYPD career. Bobby hoped for only two things: that he could protect Eames, and that he could find Ross' killer or killers. The latter was important for several reasons, not the least of which was because of its importance to Alex. She was always closer to Ross, even after the captain tried to separate her from Bobby. It was one of many things that created a gulf between Ross and Bobby, a gulf that became more shallow and narrow as Ross realized Bobby wasn't a "whack job" but an unconventional but great detective. Ross began to defend Bobby, something for which Bobby became increasingly grateful. For that defense, at the very least, Bobby thought he owed Ross.

When he was blindfolded and his hands bound and he was hustled into a van, Bobby wasn't afraid. His mind moved through several scenarios, including the possibility that the FBI was behind his capture. That was one of the less frightening prospects, and Bobby experienced some relief when the hood was ripped from his head and he faced the FBI agents. The female agent was curious about his lack of fear, the black agent angry. Bobby's bemusement at the threat of a mental hospital even surprised him, as did his need to be involved in the investigation that had led to Ross' death. In the end, he could offer the FBI the results of his own investigation and the details of how he'd manage to follow the FBI's attempts to cover its tracks. Both were useful to the FBI, as well as Bobby's reluctant role as messenger to the NYPD.

Alex accepted the release of the man ultimately responsible for Ross' murder with a terrible resignation, and Bobby suspected she had other, even worse, things on her mind. The pain he felt because of her pain when she fired him was as bad as any he'd ever experienced, just as the joy he now felt at being with Alex was the greatest joy he'd ever experienced.

He glanced over at Alex and saw that she was awake and looking out the window.

"Hey," he said gently.

She turned and smiled at him, and Bobby's heart melted. "Hey."

"How are you?" Bobby asked. "Get a good nap?"

"Yea." Alex fought off a yawn. "Where are we?"

"About an hour or so from Pittsburgh." Bobby couldn't fight off his yawn.

Alex's left hand gently rubbed the back of Bobby's neck. "You want to stop for the night?"

"Yea…We're close enough to the city that we could have breakfast and still have plenty of time to see some things and get away at a good time. You don't mind if we just stop at some chain…"

Alex sensed Bobby was more tired than he showed. "Sounds good…"

Her suspensions were confirmed when he pulled into the first hotel they encountered after he left the interstate.

"Don't worry," Alex said as he stopped at the front desk entrance. "I'll check us in…"

She waited a few moments before the desk clerk appeared. "Sorry," he said. "I was doing some paperwork. Things are a little slow tonight. You can have your pick of rooms."

Out of habit, Alex nearly asked for two single rooms, but she caught herself. "One with a king size bed, please."

She handed over her credit card, signed the forms, and received two keycards. She returned to the car and found Bobby, his eyes closed, with his head resting on his headrest.

"Hey," Alex said gently and touched his shoulder.

He stirred, sat up, and blinked. "Sorry…Got a room?"

"Almost got two," Alex said as she sat. "Habit…But don't worry…I got us a king size bed. The room is just around the corner."

"Are you hungry?" Bobby asked.

"Only for this." Alex leaned over, pulled Bobby's face to hers, and kissed him.

They barely managed to get in the room and didn't bother to pull down the bedcovers. They didn't even manage to completely shed their clothes. Several moments later they lay happily exhausted in a tangle of clothes.

"Wow." Bobby mumbled.

"Very wow," Alex answered. She raised her body and looked down at Bobby. "Now I'm hungry for food."

Bobby smiled at her and brushed her hair away from her face. "So…Making love makes you hungry? I'll need to remember that." He yawned.

"Did I wear you out?" Alex grinned.

"Well…There was the drive…"

"Tell you what…" Alex sat up and began adjusting her clothes. "You bring in the bags…Get ready for bed. There's a bunch of fast food places around her. I'll take the car and get us a couple of burgers."

Bobby was torn between wanting to fall into bed, wanting to fall into bed with Alex, or eating something and then falling into bed with Alex. "Ok."

"You sure you'll be ok?" Bobby said as he lifted their bags from the Mustang.

"Yea…I'll be right back." Alex took the keys from Bobby and slipped behind the wheel.

Bobby dropped the bags next to the bed. He reached into his, grabbed what he needed, and went into the bathroom. He stepped into the shower and let the hot water pound on his back and remove the knots in his muscles. "Good thing about a hotel…Lots of hot water," he thought.

He was surprised and worried that Alex wasn't back when he returned to the room. The worry increased as the minutes passed and there was no sign of her. He put on his jeans and shoes. He called Alex on his cell phone, and his heart fell as the call went to her voice mail.

"Damn," Bobby muttered. He opened the door and looked frantically around the parking lot, but saw nothing of the Mustang or Alex. He put his phone in his pocket.

"Oh, God," Bobby thought. "What…"

"Hold it right there."

Bobby turned and stared into a gun barrel.

END CHAPTER SEVEN


	8. Chapter 8

CHAPTER EIGHT

The large gun held all of Bobby's attention for a moment. He looked behind it to see a very young man dressed in an ill fitting uniform. Bobby slowly raised his hands. The combination of fear and excitement in the young man's eyes scared him.

"Against the wall!" the young cop barked. "Palms against the wall. Spread your legs!"

Bobby wordlessly obeyed. He sensed he could easily distract and disarm this kid, but the kid had the gun, and Bobby didn't know where Alex was. The cop patted Bobby down none too gently or well; he missed the cell phone completely.

"Not much training…If any," Bobby thought. He shivered from the cold night air. He hadn't put on socks, and his T-shirt offered little protection.

The cop jammed his arm against Bobby's neck, forcing Bobby's face into the rough wood on the wall.

"Scared, uh? Big tough guy as long as you're picking on some poor women…"

Bobby's temper rose at the cop's word, but he held his tongue. He was also confused. Was this a reference to Alex? He took a deep breath.

"Please…" Bobby said. "I'm sorry…What's this about?"

"Shut up." The cop shoved his gun into Bobby's back. "Inside the room…"

"I…I need to get my key card out of my pocket," Bobby said calmly. It was another thing the cop had missed. Bobby was making an internal list of all the things the cop was doing wrong. So far, there was enough to gain the kid a suspension, if not to end his career. Considering how much pleasure the kid was taking in pushing Bobby around, Bobby thought ending his career wasn't necessarily a bad thing.

The cop stood uncertainly for a moment. "All right," he finally said. "Give me the card."

Bobby handed the key to the cop and watched with some disbelief as the kid fumbled with the door. Bobby could have easily run away or taken the cop's gun, and he half expected the kid to shoot himself in the foot. The cop finally managed to get the door open and waved for Bobby to go in. Bobby entered the room, and the cop shoved him into a chair. Bobby sat quietly and tried not to rub the sore spot on his neck.

"Officer," Bobby began politely.

The cop spun and slammed his gun across Bobby's face. "I told you to shut up."

Bobby just managed to control his temper. Smirking, the cop slipped his gun back into his holster, but didn't secure it. He turned to look in the closest bag, which happened to be Alex's.

"Well," he said. "Whatya we got here…"

Bobby sprang like a big, angry cat. Before the cop knew what hit him, he was sprawled across the bed and his gun was in Bobby's hands.

"Where's my…" Bobby paused. What words could describe what Alex meant to him? "Where's my friend?" Bobby stepped back from the bed and stared down at the young cop. He didn't point the gun at the kid, but held it at his side.

"I…I…" the cop stuttered. He was so scared that he couldn't speak. Bobby almost felt sorry for him.

Bobby recognized the Mustang's purr outside the door. The purr ended, and Bobby heard the slam of a door, followed by another engine, and the slamming of another door. And then, to Bobby's indescribable relief, he heard Alex's voice. And she was very angry.

"I don't believe this! What kind of cops are you? When your supervisors learn about this…And they will…You'll be lucky if you still have a uniform! Do I look like I need protection, especially from you! And if anything has happened to my partner, you'll be lucky if you'll be able to have children!"

Bobby, who'd been the subject of Alex's anger more times than he cared to count, felt some sympathy for whoever was its current target. Keeping an eye on the cop, he moved carefully to and opened the door. He found Alex standing in front of a very pale man wearing the same uniform as the cop in the hotel room. He was, amazingly, even younger than the cop whose gun Bobby held.

Alex spun to Bobby, and her anger immediately moved to concern. "Bobby…What happened?"

Bobby waved his right hand. "It's not a big deal."

"Big deal!" Alex glared past him and at the shamefaced cop in the room. "Bobby…Your nose is bleeding…There are scratches on your face."

The cop standing behind Alex looked sick. "Aw…Geez…Ralph…Whatya done?"

"The bulletin…They're the ones from the bulletin," Ralph whined. "And there's a gun in that bag!"

Alex pushed into the room, brushing by Bobby, who wisely stepped out of her way. She planted herself in front of Ralph. "That bag and gun are mine! Who gave you any right to search my stuff? Do you know how many rules you've violated? I bet Mr. Goren didn't let you in here willingly."

Bobby quietly sat Ralph's gun on a table.

"That bulletin…Was generated by someone with a grudge against myself and Mr. Goren. And it was old, which you and your partner Bud here would've known if you hadn't been taking an extra long dinner break. It was rescinded over an hour ago."

Bobby sat quietly in a chair next to the table. He guessed that poor Ralph and Bud were going to face Alex's wrath for some time. A box of tissues rested on the table, and Bobby pulled several to hold against his nose. He was surprised to see that there was a lot of blood on them. Now that he knew Alex was all right—more than all right—he was almost giddy with relief. He knew his face should hurt, but he was so grateful that Alex was fine that he didn't feel any pain. He kept a watchful eye on Ralph's gun, but the cops appeared to have forgotten about it. Ralph feebly protested that the gun in Alex's bag was concealed, but Alex replied she had a permit for it and all Ralph had to do was ask for it, thank you very much. She pointed out that any search of the hotel room, let alone the bag, was probably illegal and a good lawyer would have any evidence thrown out, that is, if there was any crime, which Alex doubted very much.

It'd been some time since Bobby had seen Alex in full combat mode, and he realized that he missed it, especially when she was taking on someone other than himself. Alex and the two cops appeared to have forgotten about Bobby until she angrily declared Ralph should be charged with assault and Bud with kidnapping. Ralph looked fearfully at Bobby, who thoughtfully dabbed at his nose.

"When it gets out that you attacked a former NYPD detective who has a Medal of Honor…" Alex began.

Bobby stopped paying attention after he heard "former NYPD detective". He hadn't heard the words out loud, and they left him feeling suddenly and strangely lost.

A heavily built older man dressed in a uniform similar to but with more brightly shining bits of metal on it than Bud and Ralph's appeared in the still open hotel room. He surveyed the scene—the shamed cops, the angry woman, the large man with the blood and bruises on his face—and cried, "Oh, Damn! What've you two gotten yourselves into now?"

Bobby watched with mild amusement as Bud and Ralph hung and spun in the air. Alex occasionally made a comment that caused them to spin faster. The older cop was a deputy sheriff; Bud and Ralph were lowly patrolmen who owed their jobs to relatives and not to any great talent for or desire to be in law enforcement.

"Where's your gun?" the sheriff asked Ralph, who grabbed at his empty holster and stared at Bobby.

"You lost your gun," the sheriff stated with disgust.

"It's here," Bobby said, the first words he'd spoken since the older man had arrived. He pointed at the gun on the table. "I took it away from him after he hit me in the face with it."

Ralph lunged for the gun, but the sheriff blocked him. "Oh no you don't. I don't care if you're the son of the assessor," the older man said. "You're suspended…And this may finally get you fired."

"Be careful," Bobby said. "The safety's off."

The sheriff shook his head as carefully picked up the gun. "You're lucky you didn't blow your head off, Ralph."

"Damn, Ralph," Bud said. "You let this guy take your piece?"

"Sounds to me like you're both lucky Miss Eames and Mr. Goren turned out to be good guys," the sheriff said. He looked from Bobby, who was still sitting quietly, to Alex, who had cooled down considerably. "I can't tell you how sorry I am about all of this."

Bobby started to wave off the apology, but Alex was in a less forgiving mood.

"Mr. Goren could easily ask for your officer to be charged with assault," Alex said. "I can't begin to count the number of our civil rights that have been violated in the last hour. And there's our dinner, lying smashed on the pavement."

"It's ok," Bobby said.

Alex shot him a look, and Bobby decided he'd return to being quiet.

"Would you like to go the hospital to have that looked at?" the sheriff asked. Bobby sensed the man was genuinely concerned about his health and not just worried about lawsuits.

"No thank you," Bobby said politely. His nose had finally stopped bleeding, but he was feeling a little pain. "I…I would like to know what happened to start all of this."

Bud and Ralph shifted uncomfortably as Alex turned her glare on them. After much stuttering and stammering—especially on Ralph's part (Bobby sensed that he was one of those bullies who become cops because they want to have an official stamp on their activities)—it emerged that Ralph and Bud were hanging around the station at the start of their shifts when they heard a bulletin regarding the possible kidnapping of a New York City woman by a jealous coworker. The bulletin named Alex and Bobby and gave good descriptions of both of them and the Mustang. Bud and especially Ralph ignored the cautionary comments on both the bulletin and from their fellow officers and started to troll the interstate instead of performing their usual patrols. In their eagerness to make a stunning arrest, they missed the subsequent updates indicating there were no kidnapping, no victim, and no criminal.

Bobby shivered slightly, and shared a look with Alex. They both wondered who tried to interfere with their lives.

"Are you sure you don't want to get your face looked at?" Alex asked. Her anger now took a back seat to her concern for Bobby.

"Yea…I just want to get some ice on it, take something for the pain, and get some sleep."

Bud and the sheriff looked enormously relieved, but Ralph continued to act like he was a victim of some terrible injustice.

"He took my gun," he whined. "He attacked me…"

"I suspect if Mr. Goren attacked you, you'd show some signs of it," the sheriff said. "You might as well have handed him the gun." He turned to Alex and Bobby. "I'm sorry about this…Both of these officers will be severely reprimanded." He continued to apologize as he pushed Bud and Ralph out of the room.

"You stay there," Alex said firmly. "I'll get some ice…"

"No!" Bobby lurched from the chair and fell to his knees in front of Alex. He wrapped his arms around her and rested his head just below her breasts. "Don't go…Please…Don't go…"

"Bobby…Bobby…" Alex was stunned by his actions, but then gently wrapped her arms around his head. "I'm here…I'm here…I won't leave you…"

"I…I can't…I can't lose you…Please…Please…I can't…Please…Don't go…" His voice was muffled.

"Bobby…Bobby…I won't go…I promise…" Alex brushed her lips against his forehead. "C'mon…That can't be good for your knees…Let's get you on the bed…"

"Ok…" He sounded like a frightened child. He stood slowly and allowed her to guide him to sit on the bed. "Why did this happen? Why can't they leave us alone?"

"I don't know." Alex had been greatly impressed by Bobby's calm control throughout this debacle. She realized his response cost him a great deal. She sat next to him. "I'd like to get my hands on them, though." She held his hand. "Listen…The ice machine is just one door down. You can come with me…Or watch from the door…But if we don't get some ice on your face soon, it's going to look and hurt like hell in the morning."

Bobby stared at their joined hands. "I…I'm sorry…It's just…I…I just got to be with you…and…I…I thought I'd lost you…"

"Oh, Bobby…" She wrapped her arms around him, and his head fell into her lap. "It's all right…I'm here…I'm here…"

"I…I'm sorry…"

"I'm here…You haven't lost me…"

There was a soft knock at the door. Bobby clutched Alex tighter, and she tried to soothe him by rubbing his back.

"Who is it?" she called, and eyed her bag with the gun in it.

"The clerk…I've got some ice for you and some painkillers…The sheriff said you might need some…"

"Bobby…I just need to go to the door…Ok?"

Bobby slowly released her and sat up. His eyes didn't leave her as she walked to the door. Alex checked through the peephole and opened the door to reveal the clerk. He carried a large bucket of ice, several plastic bags and towels, and an array of painkillers. He explained that the deputy sheriff had also left some money to replace Alex and Bobby's lost dinner.

"He's a good guy," the clerk said. "And Bud's not a bad guy…But Ralph…" The clerk shook his head.

"I think," Alex said as the clerk placed his offerings on the table. "We'll pass on the dinner…But thank you…"

"Hope this helps…Let me know if you need anything," the clerk said.

"Thank you," Alex made sure the door locked behind the clerk and turned to Bobby. "C'mon…Let's take care of you."

She helped him shed his shoes and jeans and get into bed. She handed him several Advils—she knew it was his preferred painkiller—and a glass of water. She fixed some ice in a plastic bag, wrapped a towel around it, and handed it to Bobby.

"Hold that on your face until I get finished in the bathroom…"

She was at the bathroom door when he spoke.

"Alex?"

"Yea…"

"Thank you…I…I'm sorry I'm so much trouble…"

"You're welcome…And you're not any trouble…This wasn't your fault…"

"I…I love you…"

She quickly walked back to the bed and tenderly kissed his forehead.

"I love you too. I guess we might be a little late getting into Pittsburgh."

END CHAPTER EIGHT

So...I decided not to keep people waiting too long after the cliffhanger.


	9. Chapter 9

CHAPTER NINE

Bobby slept fitfully that night, and, as a result, so did Alex. At one point, Bobby's cries and shivering woke her. She gently touched his chest, and he immediately calmed and moved into a deeper sleep. Alex studied his face; she could just make out his features in the dim light. She knew about many of his fears and that they weren't imaginary, but the products of real terrors. She wondered if she could deal with them. Bobby stirred, mumbled something, and reached for her. She rested in his arms, and he smiled.

"He's a good, brave, brilliant man," Alex thought. "And he loves me. And I love him. I have to try."

The sound of running water and the smell of coffee woke her. She sat up groggily and looked at the clock. It was a little before six, and the previous night's events had kept her and Bobby up late, but he obviously had given up his battle for sleep. The sound of the water ended, and several moments later, Bobby, his hair damp and tousled, appeared in the room. He wore a T-shirt and boxers. A dark bruise graced his left cheek, extending far enough to give him a black eye. The swelling wasn't as bad as Alex feared it might be, and Bobby could see out of his left eye, but it looked bad enough.

"Sorry," he said, looking everywhere but at her. "I didn't mean to wake you up. But I couldn't sleep."

"It's ok," Alex said. For the first time since their first night together, she was uncertain of how to deal with him, and Bobby seemed equally unsure of how to deal with her. She decided to have him do something for her. "Could you fix me a cup of coffee while I go to the bathroom?"

"Of course."

When she came back to the room, she found him standing and staring out the window. He wordlessly handed her the coffee, which she gratefully accepted. The morning air was chilly, and the coffee's warmth and caffeine were both welcome.

"The parking lot can't be that fascinating," she finally said.

He turned his head towards her. "No, no it isn't."

"How do you feel?" She tentatively placed her hand on his back.

"I've got a bit of headache."

"That means it must really hurt," Alex said. She could feel the tension in his muscles, and began to gently rub his back. "You just want to get some more sleep? Or go get that bruise checked out?"

Bobby shook his head. "I took some Advil. It's already better. I'll be fine. Uh, maybe, we should go back, and face whoever is doing this?"

Alex sat her coffee cup down and wrapped her arms around him. "Is that what you really want?"

"No," he said after a moment. "But I don't know…Maybe you should…Oh, Alex." He sat his cup next to hers and turned to face her. He wrapped his arms around her.

"What happened last night wasn't your fault," Alex said. "I've got my sources. I'll find out who was responsible for that bulletin. And then, well, we still have some allies."

"You," Bobby said. "You have some allies."

"We're in this together," Alex declared.

"What if? What if it's…"

"My brother?" Alex snorted. "If he's had anything to do with this, well, he'll be lucky that I'm not near him"

Bobby gently left her arms and picked up his coffee. "What happened with that bulletin?"

"After I let Bud know I wasn't some damsel in distress, he called in to check on the bulletin. It'd been pulled minutes after it was issued."

Bobby stared out the window.

"C'mon, Bobby. I'm two hours from seeing the start of the Ohio River. I'm not going to miss that, or that museum with the gems."

"Ok, but I'd like to call Nichols or someone today to find out something."

"I plan to do that," Alex said. "I don't like being picked on."

Bobby rubbed the back of his neck. "What do you want to do? Just leave, and get breakfast somewhere? I'd hate to run into that deputy sheriff again. He felt so bad about everything."

"Yea. You put the stuff in the car, and I'll take a quick shower. I used my credit card, so we don't even have to stop at the front desk."

Fifteen minutes they were on the interstate.

"I've always liked that about you," Bobby said.

Alex paused in the brushing of her hair. "What?"

"You move quickly. Faster than me most of the time."

"And especially when I've had some caffeine." She smiled. She studied Bobby. He was quiet and subdued, and Alex wondered if he suffered from a headache, lack of sleep, or worry about what might be following them.

"Probably a combination," Alex thought.

"Look," she said. "I'm hungry."

Bobby stared at the road. "That's right. I kept you from having dinner last night."

"You had nothing to do with that," Alex said more sharply than she intended. "I'm sorry," she said and brushed her hand across his neck.

"I'll see what's at the next exit. I can use some coffee at least," Bobby said.

They found a local diner tucked in among the fast food joints. The place was busy, the staff friendly, the food good, and the coffee black and strong. Bobby's mood brightened, and they planned their assault on Pittsburgh. Alex called her sister Mary as Bobby went to the restroom. She knew at this time in the morning Mary was usually taking her morning break after getting Nate to school and before she left for the hospital. Mary was happy to hear from Alex, and told her sister that Nate was sorry he wasn't going to be able to see his aunt for a while but insisted on finding Minnesota on a map.

"Tell him we're going to follow the Ohio and Mississippi rivers," Alex said. "And see if he can trace them."

"That sounds fun, and romantic," Mary said.

"We did get stopped yesterday," Alex said cautiously. She decided not to tell Mary that an overeager, undertrained, and stupid cop nearly killed Bobby."There was a bulleting saying I hadn't gone with Bobby willingly."

"You don't think Mike?" Mary sucked in a breath. "I can't imagine him doing that, Lex. Of course, I haven't seen him since the party that wasn't a party. He's keeping a low profile. But that seems low, even for Mike at his worst."

"That's what I thought too," Alex said. "I'll need to check with other sources. You can tell Mike that by the time I get back I may be cooled off enough to talk to him."

Mary laughed. "You may the only one in the family. Even Mom is mad at him about this."

Bobby returned just as Alex said her goodbye. "Nate misses me," she said. "But he is following our progress on a map."

Bobby smiled.

"Mary doesn't know what Mike has been up to. He's not talking to my family, which is thoroughly on our side. Even my mom."

"Good, good," Bobby said. "I'd never want to come between you and your family."

They finally reached Pittsburgh, and had a very good time. Alex expected a city of grey and grime, and was pleasantly surprised by the brightness of the city. Bobby explained some of the history of the city's renaissance following the decline of the steel industry, and they visited several museums. The sun was starting to set as they stood at the park where the Allegheny and Monongahela Rivers joined to form the Ohio.

"Wow," Alex said.

Bobby stood just behind her. He wrapped his arms around her, and his bulk took away much of the chill of the late winter's evening. "Very wow."

They tried to reach Zach Nichols, but their calls went to voice mail. They briefly debated staying another day in the city, but decided to move on. There was no discussion about who would drive. Alex hadn't given up the wheel since after breakfast and wasn't about to surrender it. Bobby wasn't all that eager to drive, especially after the late night, early morning, and active day caught up with him.

"Tell me," Alex said, both to keep him awake and because she wanted to know. "About the Ohio."

As she drove, Bobby, in a voice as wonderful as any music, spoke about the river's history. Of how it allowed pioneers to reach into the Midwest; about the Native Americans who held it as scared; about the cities who rose and fell and rose again along its banks; of how it became the dividing line between the North and South; of how it was usually a remarkably placid river but occasionally showed its power, usually with terrible results; and of how Thomas Jefferson praised it for its gentle spirit and clear water.

"Of course," Bobby said thoughtfully. "I'm not sure Jefferson ever saw it." His hand rested gently behind Alex's neck. "I'm not boring you with all this, am I?"

"Not at all," Alex said firmly. "I'm looking forward to getting to know this river for the next week or so. And you telling me about it."

END CHAPTER NINE


	10. Chapter 10

CHAPTER TEN

They lazily followed the Ohio River for the next few days, avoiding interstates and chain restaurants and motels as much as they could. They wandered around Cincinnati (Alex particularly liked its zoo); ventured into Indiana to visit Abraham Lincoln's Boyhood Home (where Alex was stunned to learn of the poverty in which the man spent his childhood); and travelled south into Kentucky to drive through the horse country and visit the state's horse park (where Alex felt as if she were ten years old again). They toured Churchill Downs in Louisville and visited the Louisville Slugger factory and museum, where Alex got a miniature bat with Nate's name on it. The sight of a police car still made them nervous, but their occasional conversations with members of Alex's family and Zach Nichols caused them to think that if there was any conspiracy against them, it was very far away.

"Something is going on," Nichols told Alex during one call. "There are a lot of rumors about Moran being in some kind of trouble. Reporters are sniffing around."

For his part, Bobby appeared to have shaken off the dust of the NYPD. He was interested in the department's politics only as much as they affected Alex and himself, and Alex was reasonably sure he really only cared about them as they touched her. He was a wonderful companion, and Alex loved learning more about him. The more she learned about him, the more she loved him. As much as he knew about her, he was thrilled to learn more about her. His enthusiasm for leaning about everything spread to her. When they stopped at the Falls of the Ohio, Bobby happily joined a group of kids in examining the fossil beds. While Alex drove, he read to her from books about and set in the country they explored. Alex knew Bobby had a great sense of humor, but she never knew just how funny he was. And he was kind and generous in bed, and Alex responded to him as she never had to another lover. Once or twice they parked the Mustang at a particularly breathtaking bit of scenery, but they spent only a few moments gazing at their surroundings before they somehow wound up in the car's backseat. There were moments when Bobby gazed at her with so much love that Alex didn't know what to do.

By the time they reached the point where the Ohio joined the Mississippi, Alex thought she knew something about rivers, but as she and Bobby stood on the point of land facing where the two massive bodies of water met, she was overwhelmed.

"Great moving seas," Bobby said as his arm reached through Alex's. "Incredible. Able to move huge ships, and the backbone of the country. And if they turn destructive. They're amazing things. Alive in their own way."

Alex leaned against him. He was big and strong and warm. "So now we turn north?"

"Yea. I'd like to turn east and visit the Abraham Lincoln sites in Springfield," Bobby said. "If you don't mind. I've heard they're terrific."

"I get to drive part of the way?"

"All of it, if you want."

Three things bothered Alex. Who or what might have followed them and might be waiting for them in New York; how Bobby's relatives would react to her; and Bobby's desperate need to please her. He wouldn't challenge her on any point. The places where they stayed had to be her choice; they went to restaurants she approved of. He deferred to her, never starting anything. Alex had never been passive when it came to sex, but she appreciated some occasional aggressiveness from her partner. Bobby always responded to her, but he was also cautious, as if he were terrified of upsetting her. And he was so grateful to Alex during and after their lovemaking that it broke her heart.

And there were his nightmares. Alex wasn't sure the term "nightmare" covered what Bobby experienced. Night terrors or night horrors might be a better phrase. Exhaustion and making love helped keep them at bay, and if his cries woke Alex soon enough, a few gentle touches from her could stop him from falling into their clutches. But when she didn't wake in time, Alex saw Bobby in the grips of terrible terrors. She couldn't imagine how horrible it would be to be in the middle of one of these things. She discovered the best way to wake him was to gently rub his chest and speak his name and tell him he was all right over and over again. When he woke, he'd gasp for breath and stare around the room for several seconds until he became aware of Alex. He'd fall into her arms for several moments until he calmed; then he'd gently dismiss her fears and hold her until she fell back asleep. She wasn't sure if he went back to sleep after these dreams, but he was always awake the next morning when she woke.

The night after they left Cairo, Bobby experienced one of his worst dreams. He woke her with a scream that Alex thought must reach every room of the small hotel.

She sat up quickly. Bobby twisted on the bed. "No! No!" he shouted. "No! Stop! Please stop! Don't hurt her!"

"Bobby," Alex said and reached out to try to calm him.

He wildly swung his arms, and Alex couldn't duck in time. The back of his right hand smacked her with so much force that it sent her tumbling out of the bed. The blow stunned her, and the fall knocked the wind out of her. Alex sprawled on the floor next to the bed.

"Alex! Alex! Where…Oh, God! Alex! What have I done?"

Bobby was beside her, his hands hovering over her.

Alex caught her breath. "I'm all right," she gasped. "Just got the wind knocked out of me."

"I knocked the wind out of you," Bobby said mournfully.

Alex looked up at him. Sweat glistened on his body, and his damp hair stood in weird angles on his head. He was very pale and looked as if he'd just lost a fight. Alex carefully reached towards him, but he jerked away.

"It's ok," she said. "I'm fine. You were having a bad dream, and I woke you up too fast."

Bobby fell back to sit on the floor. His head slumped. "I hurt you."

She touched his cheek. "It wasn't your fault. "

He didn't look at her. "You shouldn't…"

There was a sharp and loud knock at the door. "Everything ok in there?" an anxious male voice asked.

"Yes," Alex answered. "Everything's fine."

Bobby curled up and disappeared inside himself.

"Are you sure? Do you need some help?" the voice insisted.

"We're fine!" Alex couldn't hide her growing frustration. Bobby was terrified that he'd hurt her, and it was going to take some time and all of her persuasive skills to convince him he hadn't. The idiot on the other side of the door was making things much worse.

"Ma'am, if you need help…"

Alex scrambled to her feet and was about to rush to the door when she realized she was naked. "Hey," she said gently to Bobby. "I'll deal with this jerk, but we both need to get some clothes on."

Bobby lurched to his feet, grabbed his boxers from near the bed, and stumbled into the bathroom. Alex grabbed a T-shirt and some underwear.

"Give me a minute!" she shouted to the door.

She threw on her clothes, moved to the door, and peered through the peephole. A small, weedy man stood anxiously outside the door. Alex figured she could handle him, but she checked to make sure her gun was where she could quickly grab it. She opened the door.

"What do you want?" she demanded.

"Uh, I'm the clerk. Uh…All the noise," he stammered. "And there's a mark on your face."

"Oh Damn!" Alex thought. "Bobby'll feel guilty for a week."

She glared at the clerk. "If you have to know, I fell out of bed."

The clerk stared at her.

"I know. I know it sounds stupid, but it's what happened." Alex wearily ran a hand through her hair. "I'm not in danger. I'm not in trouble. I don't need help."

The clerk was confused, but he had more blood in him that Alex thought. "Where's the guy who checked in with you?"

"He's in the bathroom," Alex said. "I appreciate what you're trying to do, but I'm fine. Don't worry."

"You're sure. I can call…"

"It's fine," Alex insisted. "What you can do is leave me alone and let me get some sleep."

The clerk clearly didn't like this idea, but finally left. Alex shut and locked the door, blew her hair out of her eyes, and started towards the bathroom. She knocked on it and said, "You can come out now. He's gone."

Bobby, his head down, emerged from the bathroom. He wore his boxers and T-shirt, and his body spoke of shame and fear. He carried a wet washcloth and held it out awkwardly to Alex.

"For your face." She could barely hear him.

Alex accepted the cloth from him and held it against her cheek, which was starting to hurt.

"I'll get some ice," Bobby said and reached for his clothes.

"It's ok," Alex said. "It's not nearly as bad as your black eye was at its best." She dabbed at her cheek. "Besides that clerk may be hanging around."

Bobby bit his lip.

"Bobby." Alex walked up to him. "You didn't do this on purpose. It was an accident."

He rubbed the back of his neck. He glanced at the clock. "You should get some sleep. Do you want some Advil or something?"

"Yea." She sensed he needed to do something for her. "Could you get me some water?"

He quickly moved back to the bathroom. Alex sat on the bed and checked the clock. It was three in the morning, far too soon for them to get up and leave. She still needed some sleep, and was sure Bobby felt the same.

"I've got to let him know this wasn't his fault," she thought.

Bobby returned from the bathroom. He handed a glass of water and two Advil tablets to Alex. Their fingers brushed, and Bobby jumped as if he'd been shocked.

"Thank you," Alex said, and swallowed the pills followed by a long drink of water.

Bobby stared at his feet.

"Here," she said and patted the bed. "Let's try to get some sleep."

He rocked on his feet. "I'm sorry."

"I know." She took his hand and gently pulled him towards her.

He sat heavily on the bed next to her. "I…It was a really bad one."

"I figured that out," Alex said softly. Her right hand reached up to touch his curls.

"I don't remember a lot of it," he said. "Just that it was awful."

"You can tell me about it if you want to."

"I…I know that. It's just. It's bad enough that I have to go through it. It's worse to have to talk about it, at least right after…" He shook his head.

"Like I said, it's ok." Alex rubbed his back. "Let's just try to get some sleep, ok?"

"Ok."

Alex turned off the lamp on the table next to the bed and carefully rested on Bobby. "I hope," she thought. "He doesn't have any more dreams tonight." He was warm and soft, and Alex fell asleep quickly.

She woke suddenly. Light fell across her face, and she wasn't as warm or soft as she was when she fell asleep. She realized that Bobby wasn't in the bed with her. She sat up and stared around her. There was no sign of Bobby in the room, and she didn't hear anything from the bathroom. Several of their bags were gone.

"No," she thought as she lurched out of the bed. "Bobby wouldn't abandon me." She stumbled to the window and looked out. The Mustang was still there, and she saw Bobby sitting on its hood. Her heat stopped racing, and Alex took a deep breath.

"Ok," she thought. "You know this about Bobby. He tries to solve all of the world's problems and when he can't he blames himself. And now he thinks he's hurt you." She studied him. "Can I do this? Can I help him? Do I love him enough?"

She closed the curtain and turned to go to the bathroom. She fought against an urge to rush, but she had to trust Bobby. When she finished her shower and was dressed she again opened the curtain slightly to make sure he was still outside. She grabbed her last bag and walked outside. Bobby slid off the car and moved to open the back door.

"Good morning," Alex said. "Thank you."

He nodded shyly and wordlessly handed her the keys. She took them, and when their hands touched, Bobby jerked back against the car.

"Bobby, look at me." She touched his hand. He didn't jerk away, but Alex thought it was only because he had no space. "Please look at me."

He stared at the ground.

"I looked in the mirror," Alex said calmly. "You can't see anything. There's no bruise. No mark. Nothing."

He finally looked up at her, and Alex fought to hold his gaze. It was full of pain and fear and shame. He moved to touch her cheek, but his hand hovered a few inches from it. Alex caught his hand and gently guided it to rest on her cheek.

"See?" She was proud that her voice was calm and strong. "Not a mark. You can't tell that anything happened."

"But I know something happened. I know that I hurt you."

Alex reached out and held his face in her hands. "You didn't hurt me badly. You didn't do it on purpose."

Bobby shivered. "I never mean to hurt you. But I keep doing it."

Alex took a deep breath. "I know that. But I hurt you too. And I did it on purpose once."

Bobby stared at her.

"Right after you went undercover at that bar." Alex swallowed. "I really wanted to hurt you. The things I said to you. I meant to hurt you."

"But." Bobby stared at her. "You were angry. You had every right to be angry. We've worked that out."

"And you were scared. You had a very bad dream. You had better reasons than I did." She released his face.

Bobby rubbed the back of his neck. "I had a nightmare."

"That's what I've been trying to tell you," Alex said. "C'mon. I need some breakfast, or at least some coffee."

Bobby remained in a state of quiet puzzlement through breakfast, which consisted of coffee for him, and as they drove. It was a day full of travel for them, which was unfortunate as it offered neither of them any diversion from their thoughts. Bobby tried to read to Alex, but neither really listened to the words, and he gave up after several miles. After lunch, where Bobby again ate very little, he took the wheel.

"Are you sure?" he asked as he stared resolutely at the road. "You want to keep going? You don't want to go back to New York?"

"I want to meet your family," Alex said calmly. "I don't want to go back to New York, especially if there's trouble waiting there."

Bobby sighed. "Whatever it is—if it is—I'm probably the reason."

"Bobby. Don't. Don't blame yourself." Alex sat up straight. "My sources tell me there's a lot of things going on."

"What do you mean?"

"There's an investigation going on," she said. "Nichols told me that the new Major Case Captain is keeping a good distance away from the upper floors. Your buddy from THE CHRONICLE has been writing a series about police corruption, and one of the cases he cited was Frank Adair and the Department's treatment of Deakins. And Deakins apparently came out very well."

"He should have. He saved the Department a lot of grief." Bobby gripped the wheel tightly. "Do you think Deakins needs us?"

Alex smiled. Bobby's desire to help people was one of his best habits. "He's fine. More than fine. I can also tell you that Mike wasn't the one who set those cars and cops after us."

"I'm not sure that's good news," Bobby said softly. "I mean, I'm glad it wasn't him, but…"

"I know," Alex said. Facing this threat had brought Bobby out of his funk. "Someone must think we know something."

"Or that we'll do something. I just can't imagine who."

"Maybe it's not about you," Alex said thoughtfully. "Or us, but about me."

Bobby considered her word. "That's a possibility. Maybe from before your time with Major Case."

"And now that I'm out of the Department, someone might think," Alex mused.

Bobby waved one hand. "It could be me. Could be you. Could be us." He shook his head. "Whatever, who, why…It'll wait for us, and that's if it's about us at all. We'll deal with it then."

"You're ok," Alex stated.

"Yea. I still feel terrible about what happened," Bobby said. "But I know—I may not feel it—but I know it wasn't my fault. Maybe you should start wearing a helmet to bed?"

A weight lifted from Alex's heart.

"Well," she said. "If that's what turns you on."

Bobby's right hand moved from the wheel to her knee. His touch created wonderful sparks even through her jeans. Alex saw a sign for the next exit.

"We're stopping for the night," she said huskily.

Bobby smiled. "It's too early to stop."

"We're stopping for the night, Goren."

END CHAPTER TEN


	11. Chapter 11

Well, this one keeps meandering along.

CHAPTER ELEVEN

Alex sat nervously in the passenger seat and looked out at the picture postcard farmland. There were still a few patches of snow in the shadows where the sun rarely reached, but there were also bright spots of green. Bobby was right about the area where his cousins lived. The country was beautiful, and it was a world Alex had only seen in movies and on TV.

"Don't worry," Bobby said. "They'll love you. Especially Molly. They can't wait to meet you." He scanned the road. "The turn is just up here."

Alex looked to her right. The field was dotted with large black and white cows. "All of these belong to your cousins?"

"Yea." Bobby nodded. "This is the spring and summer pasture. They must've just moved them." He signaled and turned right on a heavily graveled road that split the field filled with the cows.

"All of these are dairy cows?" Alex asked in amazement. "I gotta admit, Bobby. I didn't know that there were this many cows in the world."

Bobby grinned. "That was my reaction when I first saw them. We New Yorkers think we know so much. We don't even know where our food comes from."

They reached a point in the drive where large, graceful trees stood as sentinels on either side of the road. Buds were starting to appear on the trees.

"This is wonderful," Alex said. "Is that a lake?"

"Yea. There're a couple on the place. This is the one they use for fun. Fishing, swimming…"

"Swimming? In this weather?"

Bobby smiled. "No. They're tough out here, but not that tough."

"Is that the house?" Alex sat up as a large, two story, white house with a huge porch circling around it appeared. "It's beautiful."

Bobby smiled. He didn't know his Minnesota relatives well, but it was surprisingly important to him that Alex like them. The idea that they might not like Alex never entered his mind. He loved Alex, and so would everyone else in his life.

As they neared the house, a dark haired figure sprang from the front porch.

"Molly?" Alex asked.

"Yea," Bobby said. "She's gotten taller, and prettier, if that's possible."

"Be sure to let her know that," Alex said.

Bobby carefully parked the Mustang next to a big red pickup. As he stepped from the car, Molly ran up to him.

"Uncle Bobby!"

"Hey, Molly. Wow. You've gotten taller. And beautiful. More beautiful."

They hugged. When they separated, Bobby turned to Alex. "Molly, this is Alex. Alex, this is Molly."

"Hi, Molly." Alex stepped closer to the girl, but left a comfortable space between them. She remembered how much she hated being pushed to like new people when she was Molly's age. She wasn't going to push too hard, even though she really wanted Molly to like her.

"Hi," Molly said. She wanted to like Alex. Uncle Bobby liked her, and that weighed heavily in Alex's favor with Molly. The girl liked that this pretty blonde woman wasn't trying too hard to be her friend all at once. Molly liked the way she looked at Uncle Bobby and the way Uncle Bobby looked at her.

"I'm not sure," Molly said politely. "What I should call you."

"Well, Ms. Eames is way too formal." Alex said. "And while I like being called Aunt Alex, I don't know if that would work. Alex is more than ok, if it's ok with you."

Molly considered Alex's words, and Alex saw something of Bobby in the girl's grave expression. "Alex sounds good," she said.

"Great," Alex said.

Bobby looked tremendously relieved and happy.

"You're just in time for dinner," Molly said. "And Great Aunt Luisa is here."

"Your Mom's aunt, right?" Alex asked Bobby. "The one who married the Norwegian and moved out here?"

"That's her," Bobby said. "How's she doing, Molly?"

"She had bronchitis last winter, but she got better," Molly said. "She's great. She listens to some of my brothers and my music and even likes some of it. Her nursing home got some computers last year for the residents, and she loves them. She's on Facebook."

"Great." Bobby smiled. "If she can adjust to change, I guess I can."

Alex knew about big families, so the size of Bobby's extended family didn't intimidate her. Several cousins had joined the family for this diner. They were eager to welcome Bobby and Alex, but their numbers unsettled Bobby. Alex remembered that Bobby was used to having dinner with only one other person if he wasn't alone. Bobby sat between Molly and his Great Aunt, with Alex on the other side of the elderly woman. Luisa was a funny and sharp-witted woman, and Alex had a wonderful time. Molly's mother Anna apologized for the canned vegetables.

"You don't have to say you're sorry," Alex said. "All of this tastes like it just came out of the garden."

"Anna is a great cook," Luisa beamed. "She cans everything and it tastes wonderful."

"Except for the corn," one of Molly's brothers said. "Even Mom can't figure out a way to can corn so it tastes like it does on the cob."

Everyone except Luisa helped clean up, and there was plenty of time to sit and talk in the huge living room with the equally large fireplace. Bobby briefly stepped out of the room to speak with Molly's dad Tony. When it was time for Luisa to return to the nursing home, Bobby volunteered to drive her. Luisa agreed, but only if she got to sit in the Mustang's front seat and Alex came with them.

"She's wonderful," Alex said after they dropped Luisa off and met her friends. "And it's obvious everyone loves her. And that she loves you."

"Yea."

"You ok?" She placed her hand on the back of his neck.

"It's just." Bobby stared at the road. "I…I wish I could've known her and all of these people before. When I was a kid. It's another thing my Mom's illness kept away."

Alex didn't know what to say. She gently rubbed the back of his neck.

"Thank you," Bobby said after a few miles passed. "Thank you for being here."

"Thank you for letting me be here."

"There's a couple of things we need to talk about," Bobby said after a few more miles passed.

"Yea?"

"Tony and Anna. They don't want to be prudes or anything, but while we stay with them, they'd like us to sleep in different rooms."

"Because of the kids? I can understand that. My brothers and sisters would ask the same thing. And it's their house," Alex said.

"I thought you'd feel that way. They do like you. They think you're good for me."

"I'm glad they like me," Alex said. "I like them. Of course…" Her fingers threaded through Bobby's curls. "We'll have to find somewhere to sneak away every once in a while. I can't keep my hands off you all the time."

Bobby slowed and stopped the car. He unbuckled his seat belt, reached over, embraced and kissed Alex.

"I have that problem with you." He fingered the buttons on Alex's shirt.

"Bobby." Alex recovered her voice. "We're in the middle of the road."

"It's a country road. No one is going to be on it at this time of night."

"But if…"

A car's lights appeared in the distance.

"Damn," they said in unison.

They reluctantly separated and continued on their way.

"What was the other thing?" Alex asked.

Bobby's fingers tapped on the steering wheel for a moment. "Tony told me there's been a lot of news about a scandal in the NYPD. It's even big news out here."

Alex sat up straighter in her seat.

"My friend from the LEDGER. He started a series about Frank Adair. He found a link between Adair and Moran and some others in the Brass. Another reporter found out what happened to Deakins."

Alex sighed. "You're the one who didn't want to read or watch the news. And I haven't called anyone for a few days."

Bobby turned on the lane leading to his cousins' house. "We can do that tomorrow." He stopped the car. "Look at the sky."

Alex rolled down her window and looked up. "Wow."

"Don't get that in a big city. Too much light pollution." Bobby gripped the steering wheel. "One reason—a very big one—why I didn't want to pay attention to the news was because it was like we had this world of our own. I didn't want to leave it. I didn't want to let anyone or anything into it."

"I understand that," Alex said. "I even agree with it. Feel like that. But it looks like we might have to let something in. Do you think those cars following us—that report—has something to do with what's going on back there?'

"I'd be surprised if it didn't. But I don't know why we'd be so important."

Alex stared down the road where the farmhouse's lights glowed warmly. "You don't think this has followed us here?"

"We haven't seen any sign of it," Bobby said. "I've stopped seeing every police car as a threat. But I don't know."

Alex rolled up her window. "Maybe we should check and see if the Minnesota State Police needs a couple of experienced investigators."

Bobby started the car. "Long way away from Nate."

"True," Alex smiled.

He parked next to the red pickup.

"C'mere," Alex said before he could leave the car. She kissed him deeply, and they held each other for several minutes.

They finally separated. "We're going to have to find some place to sneak off to," Bobby said. "Or spend a lot of time in the backseat of this car."

END CHAPTER ELEVEN


	12. Chapter 12

There's been a few questions about how long it's taking Bobby and Alex to travel from New York to Minnesota. They're taking their time to meander, so there's no real schedule.

CHAPTER TWELVE

It was one of the happiest times of her life. And she realized one reason she was so happy was because Bobby was happy. Watching Bobby play with the youngest of his cousins and their friends—it turned out that Tony and Anna's house was the one where all the kids came to play—Alex saw a confirmation of something she'd recognized about Bobby in the earliest days of their partnership.

"He lives for other people," Alex thought. "He's happiest when he's making other people happy. And if he loves someone, making them happy is everything to him. And if he can't do that, he thinks he's failed. He doesn't believe he has any value unless he can help people."

"He's a good man," Bobby's cousin Anna said as she handed Alex an iced tea.

"Yes, he is. A very good man," Alex said.

"And you're good for him," Anna said as she sat down on a chair on the porch next to Alex. "Ah, it's finally cool enough for iced tea."

"It's really good," Alex said. "It's really beautiful here."

"You guys are lucky. You hit us during one of the weeks of perfect weather," Anna said. "The others come in late September or early October right before the snow starts. The mosquitoes should arrive in about a week."

Alex smiled. "I've heard about those. About the size of eagles?"

"At least," Anna said solemnly."But those don't show up until July. Only the bird sized ones until then."

Bobby, hobbled by a child clinging to his right leg, approached the porch. "I could really use some of that tea," he called.

"I'll get you a glass," Anna said. "Eric, leave Uncle Bobby alone for a minute. There's lemonade in the house."

Eric hesitated for a moment as he debated the merits of lemonade versus Uncle Bobby.

"Get some lemonade, Eric," Bobby said kindly. "I need to recharge my batteries. I promise I'll play with you later."

Eric slowly unwrapped his arms from Bobby's legs. "You promise?"

"Promise." Bobby crossed his heart.

Bobby accepted a glass of tea from Anna and took a long drink. "Oh, that's good."

Anna smiled. "You're good with all the kids, Bobby. You'd be a good father."

Bobby stared out at the children playing on the yard. Alex thought she heard his thoughts as clearly as if he spoke them.

"Bobby's always been wonderful with kids," Alex said warmly. "You should see him with my nephew Nate. The kid adores him, but all of my nieces and nephews adore him."

"That's because I let them do pretty much whatever they want to do," Bobby said shyly.

Molly ran up to the porch. "Uncle Bobby, would you like to see the calf I'm going to take to the fair?"

"I'd like that a lot," Bobby said. "And I'd like to know how this fair judging works. It sounds like a beauty competition for cattle."

"He's sad because he doesn't have a family," Anna said as Bobby and Molly walked away.

"Yea," Alex said. "But he's always been afraid of having kids. Because of his Mom mostly, but there's his brother."

"I never met Frank," Anna said. "I gather he wasn't a great guy."

Alex's finger moved around the rim of her glass. "I may not be the person to ask about Frank. All I saw was how he hurt and used Bobby."

"Tony had some run-ins with Frank," Anna said. "It was why he was reluctant to get in touch with Bobby. But Bobby isn't Frank."

"That's true," Alex said. "But Bobby never gave up on Frank. Even after Frank nearly got him killed."

"Bobby didn't give us many details about what happened," Anna said. "And being quiet Midwesterners, we didn't ask."

Alex smiled.

Bobby was quiet for the rest of the evening. He ate very little at dinner. He helped clear the table and wash the dishes, but then excused himself, picked up his jacket, and walked outside. Alex gave him fifteen minutes, then grabbed her jacket, and went outside. She found him sitting on one of the swings hanging form one of the giant trees in the front yard. He swung slowly back and forth in the cool, wet air that was a sharp contrast to the warm, sunny day. He looked at the farmhouse with a mix of regret, envy and confusion. It was a look Alex had seen before on his face.

"Have you," she asked gently. "Had enough time alone?" She huddled in her jacket against the wind.

"I've had too much time alone," Bobby said. "It doesn't help. I'll never figure some things out. Like why you're here with me."

Alex walked to the swing on a neighboring tree and sat on it. She feared if she touched Bobby, she might frighten him away or they'd wind up making love on the front lawn.

"You know," she said, surprised that her voice was so calm. "I wonder sometimes why you're with me."

Bobby stared at her.

"C'mon, Bobby. You're good looking. You're big and strong and smart. You're sophisticated. You know different languages. You know about different kinds of foods and like opera. You can make me scream or whisper in pleasure just by touching me. Me?" Alex shrugged. "I'm just a girl from Queens."

Bobby stood and walked to her. "You know you're more than that, Alex. You…You make me feel special. You make me believe that I'm a good man, that I can do the right thing. Not many people have done that for me in my life. Especially the people who were supposed to love me."

He began to push the swing.

"Ok?" Bobby asked.

"Yes." Alex smiled. "I remember how this felt when my Dad or brothers did this for me."

"I can't remember anyone ever pushing me on a swing," Bobby said. "It must be nice."

"I love you," Alex said when she could trust her voice.

"I love you."

He pushed her for several more moments. "You know," he said. "I love my cousins, but we can't stay with them forever."

"Yea," Alex agreed. "As wonderful as all this is, I'd like to see Nate and everyone else in my family. I'd like to go home."

Bobby caught the swing. "And since my home is with you, I'll go back with you." He kissed her deeply, and Alex thought she might burn up from the inside.

"Where can we go?" she breathed when he finally released her.

"The barn," Bobby said.

"An actual roll in the hay?" Alex laughed.

Bobby chased her into the barn closest to the house. It held tractors and other equipment, but it possessed a large loft filled with hay bales and feed sacks. The children often used it as anything they could imagine, and several worn blankets lay scattered across the hay. Once Alex started to return from the wonderfully pleasant place Bobby took her, she discovered her surroundings were pretty comfortable. She was sprawled across Bobby's chest. He lay on a blanket, and pulled another over them.

"Wow," Alex murmured.

Bobby kissed the top of her head. "You say that a lot. And I like it."

She smiled and snuggled against his chest.

"We have to go in at some point," Bobby apologized. "They'll come looking for us, or we'll get cold."

"We can't do anything about the cold?" Alex asked. She rose and shivered as the cold air hit her bare skin. "I guess you're right about that." She curled against Bobby.

They lay quietly and happily for several moments.

"Alex…"

"H-m-m."

"Do you…Do you want children?"

It was one of the elephants in their relationship that they hadn't discussed.

"I don't know," Alex finally said. "I'd love to have children with you, but there're so many things. I like my freedom. I've just gotten a new kind of freedom. I've just admitted that I love you."

Bobby's grip on her tightened.

"I don't know, Bobby. I just don't know. Do you want children?"

Bobby's hands began to rove through her hair. "It's a question I've never really had to answer. Or never allowed myself to consider. I'm just getting used to the question. The answer…" He shook his head. "I'm having trouble realizing I can even consider answering the question. You're only the second woman I've ever thought about having children with. And you're the first one I ever talked to about it."

"Oh, Bobby."

They held each other for several moments.

"You're ready to go home?" Bobby finally asked.

"Yes. In spite of what might be waiting for us."

"Are you in a hurry? Or do you want to meander around the Great Lakes?"

"Meander," Alex said. "I like to meander with you."

"I like meandering with you, too."

END CHAPTER TWELVE


	13. Chapter 13

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

They left two days later. "Anything you need, Bobby," Tony told his cousin. "We're here for you." Anna hugged Alex. "We'll come to see you. I'm not sure I could live in New York, but I sure want to visit it and you and Bobby." Great Aunt Luisa dabbed at her eyes. "One of the worst things about being so old is that when people leave you, you don't know if you'll see them again," she said. "I'm glad I got to meet you, Alex. Bobby, I'm so proud of you." She pulled Bobby into an embrace. Molly and the other children clung to Alex and Bobby and made them promise to come back as soon as they could. As they drove away, Alex wiped her eyes, and Bobby kept pinching his nose and blinking. They were several miles away from the farm before Alex chanced speaking.

"They're wonderful," she said. "I hope they can come to New York soon. I'd love to show them around."

"Yea," Bobby said.

"I'd love for Nate to see the farm and meet your cousins," Alex continued. "He should know where his food comes from."

"Aunt Luisa would love him. But we need to get them together soon."

"Yea," Alex agreed. "She's in great shape, but she is nearly ninety."

They drove in silence for several miles. "This is strange to me," Bobby said.

"What?"

"A family. I have a family. A family that I want to see. Who wants to see me and doesn't want something from me. I'm not used to this."

Alex turned the Mustang on the highway. "Do you like it?"

Bobby smiled, a warm, gentle smile Alex was seeing much more of in recent days. "I do. A lot."

They wandered around the coasts of the Great Lakes. They visited lighthouses and toured shipwrecks. They went to fish broils and walked over sand dunes. They saw birds that Alex never knew existed. They occasionally dealt with the uncertainties of spring in the Midwest, but neither minded being forced to stay indoors. Their lovemaking was less frenzied, but lacked nothing in intensity. Alex loved to rest in Bobby's arms after these sessions. It wasn't just that she was in a joyous state; it was that Bobby was calm and peaceful and content, three words that rarely applied to him.

"And I'm responsible for this Bobby," Alex thought one day as they sat next to each other on a blanket on a white beach. "And it's a big responsibility."

Bobby yawned and stretched and fell back on the blanket. Alex curled on his chest.

"Sleepy?" she asked.

"You kept me up last night," Bobby smiled.

"Oh, who kept who up?" Alex laughed. "I didn't hear any complaints."

"No. No you didn't." Bobby carefully sat up, and Alex leaned back on her knees. "We need to talk about something."

Alex looked around at the sapphire sky and the white sand glowing in the bright sunshine. "You're going to ruin this."

"'Fraid so." Bobby brushed the sand from his hands. "When you were in the shower this morning I called my buddy at THE LEDGER."

A cloud passed in front of the sun.

"He told me this only because I was so far away and because I wouldn't tell anyone even if I was in New York. THE LEDGER's investigation has produced one on the part of the Feds. Grand jury indictments will come out tomorrow."

Alex's heart pounded. "The targets?"

"Moran is one of the biggest." There was no triumph in Bobby's voice. "A lot of people connected with Frank Adair. That fake email that supposedly came from Deakins is apparently an important piece of evidence."

"Deakins isn't in trouble?"

"He's coming out as a hero. Of course, we always knew he was a hero."

"Those cops that followed us. That false bulletin," Alex said. "It's connected."

"There's apparently been something of a civil war going on in the department. The commissioner's been trying to keep peace and a lid on it, but it's all about to explode. Remember how Massa tried to give me an out?"

"And you didn't take it."

Bobby nodded. "The commissioner's office sent Massa to deal with Ross' murder."

"They thought they had another bad cop," Alex said. "Well, at least we cleared Ross' name." She stared at the horizon. "It was weird in the Chief's office. Massa seemed to be in charge in some way. I bet that what happened to us was some kind of deal."

Bobby began to rub her back. "I was certainly on Moran's hit list. Probably even before the whole Copa…" He stopped. "Sorry."

"It's ok," Alex said.

"What threw them was you. I don't think either of the sides understands you. Moran certainly didn't expect you to refuse that captaincy."

"Did you?"

Bobby rested his arms on his knees. "I wasn't entirely surprised," he said after a moment.

Alex rubbed his back. "What do you think is waiting for us?"

"I don't know. If you want to go somewhere else, or go back alone…"

"We're in this together, Bobby."

He nodded. "I just want you to know. You always have an option."

"I know that. It's another reason why I love you." Alex wrapped her arms around his neck. "I'd lay odds that Moran setting those cops on us. He's stupid and vicious enough."

"You won't find me betting against you," Bobby said.

That night Bobby received a phone call from his cousin Tony. Tony told him that four days ago he'd received a call from someone identifying himself as a member of the NYPD. The caller hoped that Tony might know the whereabouts of his cousin Bobby. As he listened to Tony, Bobby's chest tightened as his fears for his cousin rose. The caller was upset to learn he'd just missed Bobby, and somewhat angry when Tony refused to reveal Bobby's phone number or any other details.

"And, after all," Tony said. "I didn't and don't know your plans."

Bobby apologized for the interruption and annoyance to Tony, who gently brushed away Bobby's concerns.

"So, someone's still looking for us," Alex said when Bobby told her about the call. "My family hasn't said anything. Maybe they're keeping things from me. Or maybe I'm not as important as you."

"You still want to go back?" Bobby asked.

"Yes."

"Ok."

They continued to amble along Lake Michigan's coast. In spite of the shadows around them, they felt far enough away from their troubles to consider their future.

"We'll live at my place," Alex said one night as they rested in each other's arms.

"I hope you don't mind supporting your boyfriend for a while," Bobby said. "And you're doing that anyway." He stared at the ceiling, and Alex watched him disappear into thought.

"Hey," Alex said. "You're not worried about me paying everything. I thought we settled all of that."

"It's not that," Bobby said. "It's that they're following us. That they've traced your credit cards and cash withdrawals. They'll figure out we're headed back to New York. They're probably tracing our phone calls."

Alex sighed. "Now I know how a suspect feels."

"They may have given up on following us when it looked like we were driving away from New York," Bobby said. "But now that we're coming back." He sighed. "I think we need to call everyone we can and learn as much as we can. But I can't figure out why we're so important. We both have reasons to dislike Moran, but I'm not sure our testimony would be worth that much. I know he hates me, but what's he got against you?"

"My Dad, my brothers, my uncles, the fact I said "No" to him." Alex shook her head. "And maybe we know something we don't know we know."

"Oh, let's think about it later," Bobby said. "I've got other things on my mind right now." He kissed Alex.

They visited Mackinac Island and brought fudge. They rowed boats and fished. They even tried swimming, but even Bobby found the crystal clear water too frigid for much activity. As they grew closer to New York, the reports from their friends, family, and associates became more frequent and troubling. Zach Nichols told them that the Brass' appearances in Major Case had become very infrequent. Alex's brother Mike had become one of her and Bobby's strongest supporters.

"Mike," Alex said one evening as she closed her cell phone. "Would like to apologize to you. Says he owes you a drink. Several, probably."

Bobby, his eyes on the road, smiled.

"I told him about that expensive Scotch you like," Alex said.

Bobby's smile grew wider. "I'll have to take him up on that." He tapped his fingers on the steering wheel. "Whatever is waiting for us, we'll at least have people to help us face it."

"Yea," Alex said. Her left hand rested on the back of Bobby's neck. "And we got each other. We can face anything together."

END CHAPTER 13


	14. Chapter 14

At last, an update. My apologies. Life, you know?

START CHAPTER 14

By the time they entered New York State, Bobby and Alex were on full alert. They received good news on several fronts. Bobby's house sold, not for as much as his highest hopes but far more than the lowest number he was willing to accept. Lewis awaited the Mustang's arrival, and Bobby discovered that even after paying off his bills, he had a small safety cushion. All of Alex's family—even Mike—eagerly anticipated her return. Alex warned her nephew Nate's mother that she and Bobby would be bringing the boy several presents, but that Alex wasn't responsible for the majority of them. Most came from Bobby, who insisted, in spite of Alex's efforts to discourage him, bought Nate books and toys at most of their stops. Nate's presents filled half of the Mustang's back seat; presents for the rest of Alex's nieces and nephews filled the other half. To their amazement, both Alex and Bobby had received job offers and feelers.

But the shadow of who and what might be waiting for them in New York followed them. They spent two happy days in a bed and breakfast in the Adirondacks. On the third day at breakfast, Bobby handed the car keys to Alex.

"If we drive the interstate," he said softly. "We can be in New York tonight."

Alex took the keys. "Be the first time we've been on them since we started this trip."

"Yea." Bobby studied his coffee cup. "Whatever you want, Alex. If want to go to the city today or tomorrow or next week or next month or never. Whatever you want. I'll go wherever you go."

"I want to go home."

They didn't change drivers that day. Bobby wanted Alex to have a last chance to drive the Mustang. She offered the wheel to him after they stopped for a quick lunch, but Bobby gently declined. "I've already said goodbye to it," he said. The tension grew as they drove closer to the city. Every police car they saw quickened their pulses. They decided to go to Alex's house and, while not wanting to draw attention, they entered the city without attempting to hide. They pulled in front of Alex's garage door just as the last streaks of red appeared in the western sky.

"Just once," Alex said as they piled packages and bags in her hallway. "I'd like to come back from a trip with less than I took."

Bobby smiled. "I don't think that's going to happen as long as you have nieces and nephews."

"No signs of any unwelcome visitors or followers?" Alex asked.

"Nothing that I've noticed," Bobby answered.

Alex yawned. "Well, I hope they leave us alone tonight. I'm tired. C'mon. Join me in the shower."

"That won't get us into bed any quicker," Bobby smiled.

"Maybe not," Alex said. "But it'll be fun."

They spent several happy moments in the shower until the water grew cold and then collapsed in Alex's bed. Bobby did check and make sure the security system was on, and Alex placed her backup piece beneath the mattress.

"So," Alex murmured as they drifted towards sleep. "Plans for tomorrow?"

"I need to go to the bank in the morning," Bobby said. "I'll call Lewis and see when he wants to take delivery of the Mustang."

"My family is planning a welcome back picnic around noon at my sister's place. I'd like to see everyone, especially Nate." Alex curled up on Bobby's chest. "And I'd really like you to come with me, if only to help me carry everything. And remember—you bought a lot of it."

Bobby's hands moved in and out of Alex's hair. "True, true. And I'd love to see Nate and the other kids."

"I'll call some of my contacts tomorrow," Alex said. "See if I can get an update on what's going on."

"I'll call my buddy at the LEDGER and check some of the press reports," Bobby said. "Maybe the hounds have been called off."

"We stick together," Alex said. "We can face anything together."

They slept well in spite of any possible dangers. Alex woke the next morning to the welcome smell of coffee. She padded out into the kitchen to find Bobby seated at the kitchen table and tapping on her laptop.

"Good morning," he smiled. "I'd have made you some breakfast, but we need to get stuff."

"Coffee's fine for now," Alex said and headed toward the pot.

"I checked around the house this morning. No sign anyone has tried to or got in."

"My family didn't report anything." Alex took a long drink of coffee. "Oh, that's good."

Bobby smiled. "I think you keep me around just for my coffee making."

"Oh, you possess a lot of other skills." Alex kissed him. "What are you doing?"

"Checking the news on the corruption case," Bobby said. "Aside from the LEDGER's series, it's mostly been speculation until recently. The indictments from the grand jury have been delayed, but should come down this week." Bobby shook his head. "I don't see how the prosecution or the defense could have any reason to follow us."

"We'd certainly be hostile witnesses to Moran," Alex smiled. "I'm going to take a shower and get dressed. Try not to get into any trouble."

"I'll do my best," Bobby said.

He returned to his study. His buddy at the LEDGER had produced an excellent series of articles that effectively traced and laid out a trail of corruption that connected Frank Adair and Kenny Moran and several other members of the Brass. In addition to the corruption—which in Adair's case was more related to the gathering of power and in Moran's case to greed—there was a disturbing series of personal vendettas on the part of Adair and Moran and their associates against anyone who opposed them. What happened to Captain Deakins fell into this category. What was clear was that Moran had used his position like some ancient feudal lord, protecting bad cops and attacking good ones. The LEDGER pointed to Moran's efforts to protect Patrick Copa as evidence of this. Bobby's heart fell as he realized the debacle surrounding the murder of Alex's husband was again rearing its ugly head. He stared at the computer for several minutes until he heard the shower stop. Carrying their cups of coffee, Bobby walked to the bedroom. He knocked on the door and opened it.

"You know you don't have to knock," Alex said. She turned to him. "What's wrong?"

Bobby handed her the cup. "The investigation includes looking into Kevin Quinn's murder and how Moran tried to protect Patrick Copa."

"Did you find any mention of Joe?"

"No. But," Bobby rubbed the edge of his cup. "It may come up. But maybe it's been long enough. Anyway, we know Joe was a good cop."

"Yea," Alex said. "He was a good cop. They won't find anything against him. But I hope his name isn't tainted by association."

"I'm sorry," Bobby said. "I hate that any of this will hurt you."

Alex moved closer to him. She put her cup on the table and reached to wrap her arms around his neck. She smelled of shampoo, soap, and water, and felt like fresh silk. She kissed him, and Bobby tasted coffee and the mint of her toothpaste.

"And what about you?" she whispered. "How will it hurt you? None of this is your fault. And I need you. I have to have you."

"You need me?"

"A lot. An awful lot."

"I have a hard time believing you need anyone," Bobby said. "Especially me."

"Oh, God, Bobby. I don't know how I lived without you. Sometimes I think I couldn't breathe without you."

Something caught in Bobby's chest, and he couldn't think for several moments. "No one…I've never meant that much to anyone," he stammered.

"You do now," Alex said. "C'mon. Let's get to this special picnic. Nate and the rest of my family will be waiting for us."

They drove to Alex's sister's house in a watchful, but not fearful, state. They weren't going to allow any clouds to shadow their lives. Bobby was more worried about the possible responses of Alex's family to him.

"Don't worry," Alex said as Bobby paled when he saw the many cars parked outside the house. "We've got plenty of peace offerings, not that we going to need them."

Alex parked the car. It was a beautiful, early summer day, one where both the temperature and humidity were reasonable. As Bobby and Alex approached the house, they heard wildly happy voices occasionally punctuated by the sound of a ball hitting a bat.

"Sounds like a baseball game," Bobby said.

Alex smiled. "At least the Eames version of it. Let's check it out."

Alex once commented to her sister that she possessed a psychic link to two people in the world, Bobby and her nephew Nate. Nate, who stood waiting his turn to bat, spun around just as Alex and Bobby walked around the side of the house. Nate rushed towards them.

"Aunt Alex! Bobby!" Nate shouted. "They're here!"

He jumped into Alex's arms. "Aunt Alex! I missed you so much!"

"I missed you too, Nate." Alex hugged him.

Bobby stood awkwardly at Alex's side. He watched as Alex's nieces and nephews surrounded her, and a wave of guilt swept over him. He'd kept Alex away from all of this, from the family that loved her. Not only had he placed her in danger; not only had he ruined his professional life; he'd ruined her life with her family.

Something tugged at his jeans, and Bobby looked down at Nate's smiling face. "Bobby," the little boy said and reached up to him.

Bobby lifted the boy up with a little effort. "You're getting big, Nate."

The boy wrapped his arms around Bobby's neck. "I missed you too, Bobby."

"I missed you a lot, Nate," Bobby said softly.

"Aunt Alex is really happy."

"Yea. She's always happy when she's with you and your cousins."

"Yea. But she's always happy with you too," Nate said. "Could you put me down please?"

"Uh, sure…"

"C'mon," Nate said, and pulled Bobby to a swing hanging from the biggest tree in the backyard. "Can you tell me about your trip and push me? Aunt Alex said that you walked across the Mississippi River. How did you do that?"

For the next half hour, Bobby enthralled Nate with stories of his and Alex's trip. He didn't notice that his audience grew beyond Nate to include nearly all of the boy's cousins under the age of twelve and quite a few over it. Alex watched as Bobby enchanted the younger members of her family. She became aware of a large presence behind her. She turned her head and faced her brother Mike.

"I owe you an apology," he said awkwardly.

"Yea, you do. Several, I think," Alex responded.

"Yea," Mike said after a moment. "And Goren. I'm sorry, Lexie. I really am. I screwed up big time."

"Accepted," Alex said warmly. She was very grateful that all of her family appeared to be accepting Bobby. "But it's going to cost you with Goren. He drinks expensive stuff."

"It'll be money well spent," Mike said with equal warmth. "I misjudged him completely. I should've trusted you. Hell, I should've trusted Nate. He's a better judge of character than I am."

Alex smiled.

"And Goren makes you happy. I haven't seen you this happy, well, since you first married Joe," Mike said. "And I can't argue with that."

"Thank you, Mike," Alex said. "Thank you."

"You both know," Mike said cautiously. "Part of the Brass is looking for you."

"We do," Alex said. "You know anything about it?"

"A little, very little. You many know more about it just from reading the papers. Everyone in the department above the rank of Captain is nervous, and the Brass is divided."

"Why is anyone interested in us?" Alex asked.

"Part of it's the Patrick Copa thing," Mike said. "And that might hurt you, Lexie. What happened to your Captain-Deakins-has something to do with it. But Moran is such a vindictive bastard, it could be a whole lot of things. But if you need any help, Lexie, you call me. You and Goren both."

Alex decided not to respond in the usual Eames manner of a smart alec remark. Mike had just made a huge leap of faith. "Thanks, Mike. I'll let Bobby know. I'm sure he'll appreciate it as much as I do. And that's a lot. A lot."

"Well, it's what you do for a fellow cop. And what I do for my little sister. Nobody picks on my little sister. I know…" Mike smiled at Alex's warning look. "You can take care of yourself. I know that. But I'm your big brother, and I can't stop taking care of you."

Alex hugged him. "Truth is, most of the time I don't want you to stop. Just don't do it whenever anyone is looking."

"I'll try. I'll try."

As he described the moose he and Alex encountered near Lake Michigan, Bobby looked up to see Mike and Alex hugging. Nate's words had lessened the weight of his guilt considerable; this caused it to nearly vanish.

"Bobby! How big was its antlers?" Nate asked.

Bobby's attention returned to his audience. "The antlers. They were huge!"

John Eames walked up behind his eldest son and middle daughter. "The two of you have a truce?"

"We may even have a peace treaty, Dad," Ales said.

"At least until the next time we drive each other crazy," Mike laughed. "Listen, this looks like a good time to pass out your presents, Lex. I'll get them."

"Oh, their parents'll have a fit," Mr. Eames laughed.

"It wasn't me," Alex explained. "It was Bobby. He insisted."

Mike and his father grinned at each other.

"Ok, ok," Alex laughed. "I didn't put up much of a fight."

"It looks like you and Goren bought something at every stop," Mike said.

"Looks that way," Mr. Eames said. "Bobby's trying for favorite uncle."

"He'd be happy to have that title," Alex said. "You should've seen the stuff I made him take back. He's not trying to buy affection. He didn't have much when he was a kid. He had to grow up way too soon. He loves kids. He hates to see them hurt, and he wants them to be happy. I think he likes to see them get some of the stuff he missed out on."

The children were still fascinated by Bobby's stories, but he saw that Alex and her family had brought out the presents. He stood and smiled.

"Ok," he said. "Aunt Alex brought stuff for all of you. Why don't you check it out?"

The kids screamed and rushed to collect their treasures, and for several second they surrounded Alex. She finally managed to escape and left her siblings to deal with the distribution of the presents. She discovered Bobby leaning against one of the trees lining the backyard.

"Thanks for shoving all the responsibility on me," she said.

Bobby smiled. "You can use the brownie points."

"I may get them from the kids. Not so sure about their parents."

"Put the blame on me," Bobby said.

"You're too eager to take the blame," Alex said gently. "You should take more of the credit."

Bobby looked past her. The kids were showing each other their acquisitions. "Everything is ok with your family?"

"It's good. Very good. Mike will be buying you some of that expensive alcohol you like."

Dread filled Bobby What was he going to talk about with Mike over several drinks in a bar? "Uh, it's ok, Alex. He doesn't have to do that."

"Hey, are you ok?"

"I'm just a little overwhelmed. And tired."

Alex remembered what Bobby said to her one evening as they sat on a Lake Michigan beach. He loved her family, but he found facing all, or even a lot, of them at one time unsettling. Family meant something very different to Bobby than it did to Alex.

"Hey, I'm used to them, and they overwhelm me sometimes," Alex said. "The house is probably just as crowded, but you might find some refuge on the front porch."

"Thanks," Bobby said. "I just need a couple of minutes. Thank you for understanding."

"Thanks for trusting me enough so that I can understand," Alex answered.

Bobby walked around the house to is large front porch. He'd stopped smoking, but there were moments when the craving seized him, and this was one of those moments. He checked his pockets, but, as he expected, didn't find any cigarettes. He briefly considered hitting up one of Alex's relatives—he figured that at least the ones who were firemen smoked—but he didn't want to face a crowd. "Maybe there's something in the car," he thought. He walked out to the Mustang and began searching its contents. "Glove box," he thought as he opened it. "Did anyone ever keep gloves in these things?" His search of the car proved fruitless. "That's what I get for cleaning it so well," he thought. He stepped out of the car and saw the two men walking towards him. They wore suits, and showed every sign of being cops. For a moment, Bobby considered jumping in the Mustang and driving away, or running to the house, but he squared his shoulders and straightened his back.

"Time to get this over with," he thought.

END CHAPTER FOURTEEN


	15. Chapter 15

The number and names of Alex's brothers are entirely my own.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

"You're a hard man to find, Goren," one of the men said.

The two men wore suits, but not particularly nice or flashy ones. They were cops, or former cops, and not necessarily detectives.

Bobby examined his position. His car was behind him. He, and the two men approaching him, were clearly visible to anyone in or near the house. If these two were stupid enough to start something, someone would notice. "All I have to do," Bobby thought. "Is stand my ground and not lose my temper."

"Where you been since you got fired, Goren?" the man continued. He was a big guy, not as big as the man with him or Bobby, but big enough. "You leave town?"

The second man leaned on the Mustang's front bumper. Bobby almost smiled at the obvious attempt to anger or intimidate him.

"We got some questions for you," the first man said.

Bobby leaned slightly against the car's door. He had one eye on the house, and half hoped, half feared, someone might appear.

"I think we should go somewhere nice and quiet where we can talk," the second man said.

"You've got the advantage here," Bobby said calmly. "You know me, but I don't know you. Or what you want."

The second man stopped leaning on the Mustang and moved closer to Bobby. "We know a lot about you and your partner."

Bobby fought the shiver that tried to crawl up his spine.

The first man moved closer to Bobby. "We can talk about Eames' resignation. She turned down that captaincy because of you."

A bubble of emotions—anger, fear, guilt—formed in Bobby's gut.

"Of course, the apple didn't fall far from the tree," the second man said. "All that trouble her father was in."

It took a great deal of control for Bobby to keep his feelings from showing. "Ms. Eames and I talked about that," Bobby said. "Johnny Eames was a good cop and is a good man. There was some question about a job he took after his retirement. He took care of it. I wouldn't say it was "trouble". Certainly not the kind of trouble some people in the Department are in now."

"Yea?" the second man sneered. "I don't think any of them have spent any time in a mental hospital."

Bobby smiled wryly. He was relieved the conversation was moving away from Alex and her family. "Yea. Like I've told people. The insanity thing follows me around."

"Well, it runs in the family, doesn't it?" the second man continued. "Your mom spent most of her life in a looney bin."

"Look, if you're trying to get a rise out of me by saying things about my mother, you're going to have to do better than that," Bobby said. "I've heard it all since I was five."

"Look," the first man said. "We told you we need to talk to you."

"And I think it's perfectly reasonable for me to know who you are before I talk to you," Bobby said. He could feel the irritation seeping from the two men.

"Look, Goren," the second man snapped. "You've been a pain in the Department's rear for a long time."

"Even when I solved some of the toughest cases?" Bobby asked. "Even when Detective Eames and I were putting together one of the best solve rates in the Department?"

From the confused looks on the men's faces, Bobby realized he was providing them with new and troubling information. He rubbed the back of his neck. "You guys don't know anything beyond what you've been told. And you didn't want to know any more than that."

"Wait a minute," the first man said. "How do you—Why do you—think we have anything to do with the NYPD?"

"You just proved that you're on some mission from some part of the Brass," Bobby said. "And I think I could make a good guess who."

The second man pushed forward until he was inches from Bobby. "C'mon. Let's just get this jerk somewhere where we can get what we want."

"Hey Goren! Everything ok?"

The two men spun, and Bobby saw Alex's brother Mike stepping from the porch. A mix of relief and worry spread through Bobby.

"This is none of your business," the second man yelled.

"Lieutenant Eames," Bobby called. "These guys want to talk to me, but won't tell me why or who they are."

The two men paled.

Mike walked quickly. "These guys annoying you, Goren? Frank Corelli? Is that you? Whatya doing harassing my friend?"

Corelli blanched and stepped away from Bobby. "This doesn't involve you, Eames…"

"Goren is a friend of mine. Good partner to my sister," Mike said. Bobby felt a rush of triumph and gratitude. "He's a guest of my family. I'd say that involves me."

The second man stood uncertainly. Bobby quietly moved away from him.

"And who are you?" Mike turned to the second man. "You Frank's latest partner? I hope he's a better cop than when I knew him at the 23rd."

The second man warily eyed Mike. "Look," he finally said. "We need to talk to Goren."

"Who you working for?" Mike asked. "The Department? Or Kenny Moran? Remember, we don't work for Moran and the rest of the Brass. We work for the people of New York."

Corelli turned to Bobby. "You going to talk to us?"

"No," Bobby said. "If you want to talk to me, you're going to have to arrest me or get a warrant."

"And don't think about charging Goren with resisting arrest," Mike said. "Because I can see no grounds for that."

At that moment Bobby forgave Mike Eames everything he'd ever said or done.

"Hey Mike! Problem?"

Bobby tried not to look too satisfied as he saw Corelli and his partner turned even whiter as they saw two more Eames brothers walking from the house.

"I think you're outnumbered," Mike said. "Although you really may have been outnumbered when only two of you came to take on Goren."

The second man started to pull back his jacket, but before he could reveal his gun, Bobby seized the man's hands.

"Do you," Bobby asked softly. "Really want to pull your gun here?"

"Dammitt," Corelli muttered. "Use your brains." He glared at Bobby. "This isn't over, Goren."

Satisfied that the second man wasn't going to pull his gun, Bobby eased back. "If you bring a warrant," Bobby said. "I'll talk to you. But I'm not going to talk to you just because work for Moran and his buddies. Too bad I got fired. Then I might have to talk to you."

Corelli and his partner shambled away. The two younger Eames brothers arrived. "Thank you," Bobby said.

"What the hell was going on?" Alex's youngest brother Brian asked.

Mike stayed focused on the departing men. "They're two of the guys harassing Alex and Goren."

"Moran?" Patrick, the middle brother of the family, asked.

"Probably. Even the Fire Department knows what's going on?" Mike asked.

Patrick nodded. "But half of the Fire Department is related to half of the Police Department."

Brian turned to Bobby. "Moran's still after you and Alex? What a vindictive son of a bitch."

"Yea," Mike said. "I'm not a terribly smart guy. My eyes got opened to what Moran is. I know what side I'm on in this mess."

Brian grinned. "You know we're not going to let you forget Alex and Goren were on the right side first."

"Truth is," Bobby said. "I didn't know there were sides. I thought we were all on the same side."

"We should be," Mike declared.

Bobby looked at the three Eames brothers. An unfamiliar, warm feeling filled him. He looked up at the house. "We should get back. I'll have to tell Alex what's going on."

"Don't envy you that," Brian said.

"Only thing worse would be not to tell her," Patrick said.

"Yea," Bobby said.

The four men walked together to the house.

END CHAPTER FIFTEEN


	16. Chapter 16

So, Bobby and Alex decided to talk. I have no control over these guys.

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

"Uh-oh," Brian said. "Alex's on the porch."

"I wonder how much she saw," Mike said.

"So," Alex said as her brothers and Bobby approached the house. "You chase the bad guys away?"

"At least for a while," Bobby said after a moment. "How much did you see or hear?"

"I noticed Brian and Patrick were gone, and came out here," Alex said. "I realized they were going to the aid of Mike and my…" She smiled. "I'm not sure what I should call you, Bobby."

Bobby looked up at her shyly. "You can call me whatever you want."

"I think the term you're looking for is "boyfriend"," Brian grinned.

Alex stepped down from the porch. "Bobby and I are kinda old for that boyfriend/girlfriend thing."

"And what we feel goes deeper than that," Bobby said softly.

Alex's brothers tried not to look each other or Bobby or Alex in the eye.

"Aunt Alex! Bobby!" Nate ran around the corner of the house. "Come play baseball!" He slammed to a stop in front of his aunt, uncles, and Bobby. "Is anything wrong?"

"No, kiddo," Alex said. "Everything's good. Your uncles are getting along with Bobby. And you just saved us all from major embarrassment."

"How did I do that?" Nate asked.

"By showing up," Mike said. He grinned at his nephew. "I should have you around more often and pay attention to you, Nate. You keep me from making a fool of myself."

Nate didn't quite understand what his Uncle Mike was saying, but he relaxed. This was the Uncle Mike he liked. "Are you getting along with Aunt Alex and Bobby now?"

"Yea," Mike said. "I wised up. Hey, is there room for your uncles in that game too?"

"Yea," Nate said. "But I'm not sure we're playing by the rules."

"Are the rules the same for everyone?" Bobby asked.

"Mostly. We let the really little kids get more than three swings," Nate said.

"Well, as long as you don't do that for your uncles, it's fine," Bobby said.

"Hey!" Patrick said. Mike snorted. Brian laughed. "You're going to fit in just fine, Bobby," he said.

The Eames family swept up Alex and Bobby for the rest of the day. They chased and were chased by nieces and nephews. They ate too many hamburgers and hot dogs and everything that went with them. They participated in the super soaker water gun battle that ended the day. Alex caught Bobby, standing quietly and thoughtfully, at the edge of the horde several times during the day until a child—usually Nate—slammed into or rushed up to him and brought him back into the middle of the chaos.

They left after the s'mores and the fireworks. Alex was happily tired, and she could tell that Bobby, although clearly having a great time, was even more worn out. Her sister Mary told her that the kids wouldn't want to go until Alex and Bobby were gone, so Alex offered that as an excuse to her family and Bobby. Alex managed to borrow some dry clothes, but Bobby remained in his soaked jeans and T-shirt. Alex smiled at him as he carefully draped towels over the front passenger seat.

"You look like you were on the losing team," she said. "You ok?"

"Just don't turn the AC on too high," Bobby said.

"I'll get you home, and out of those wet clothes," Alex said. "And then I'll warm you up."

"Promise?" Bobby's left hand brushed the back of her neck. "That's a nice offer. But I have to be honest with you. Your family wore me out. It's a good feeling, but I'm exhausted."

"One of my nieces or nephews can wear me out," Alex said. "It's a guarantee when most of them are around."

"They all flocked to me because I was new?" Bobby asked. "Not that I mind, but why not you?"

"They knew who was really responsible for all of those presents," Alex said. She glanced at Bobby. "But mostly it's because you're wonderful with them. You're always wonderful with kids."

"They're good kids. Especially Nate," Bobby smiled.

"You know, we haven't talked much about kids."

Bobby stared out the window.

"Maybe that's why we haven't talked much about it," Alex said shakily.

"I guess. I really didn't think. I'm not that young any more. And, truth is, I've given up on the idea of kids, if I ever really had it. What kind of father would I be?"

Alex clutched the wheel. "Wonderful."

"I'd never want done to anyone. Any child. What was done to me."

"You'd never hurt any child, let alone your own," Alex said.

"Not on purpose," Bobby said. "But, my Mom never intended to deliberately hurt me, and she did."

Alex bit her tongue. She knew Frances Goren suffered from a terrible illness. She knew the woman had suffered a terrible ordeal. But Alex felt these things didn't excuse what she did to her youngest son. Alex couldn't understand why Frances Goren couldn't see what Bobby did for her, why the woman couldn't—or wouldn't—look beyond the question of his father to see the brilliant, good man Bobby was. And Alex certainly didn't understand how Frances Goren could favor shiftless, manipulative, weak, self pitying Frank Goren over Bobby. Alex thought there were plenty of times when Frances Goren meant to hurt Bobby, and Alex couldn't forgive her for it. It was something she and Bobby couldn't talk about. Bobby always responded that his mother was sick and not responsible for her actions, and the subject was closed. Alex thought that perhaps believing his mother was sick was preferable to Bobby thinking that his mother was deliberately cruel.

"You," Alex said, trying to control her voice. "Are not your mother. Or William Goren, or Mark Ford Brady, or Declan Gage."

Bobby stared out the car window. Alex wondered what it must be like to live your life under the shadow of the possibility of your mind slipping away from you. All she had to worry about was a history of high blood pressure and strokes on her mother's side of the family and a few cases of alcoholism on her father's. She couldn't imagine living with Bobby's family tree.

"You've told me and I've read that schizophrenia usually appears in teenagers and young adults," Alex continued. "That it's rare in people after thirty."

"My Mom was thirty five when she was diagnosed," Bobby said flatly.

"When she was diagnosed," Alex said. "You told me she may have had symptoms a long time before that. And she may have had her first episode because…Because of what Brady did to her."

Alex clutched the wheel tightly. She was glad there was little traffic. Bobby sat silently; he might have been made of stone. Several miles passed before Alex risked speaking again.

"Bobby, you're not your mother. You're not sick."

"Yes, I am."

A shiver ran up Alex's spine. She carefully pulled the car to the side of the road. She turned it off and turned to Bobby. He stared at his hands.

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"I'm not schizophrenic. At least not yet. But…When I was suspended. After Tates. The sessions I went to…"

Alex watched as Bobby opened the door to the darkest room in his mind. He'd never talked about these session, and she felt she had no right to ask about them.

"I was depressed. Very. Had all the classic symptoms of clinical depression," Bobby said. "And PTSD. Not just because of Tates and everything. But from what happened to me as a kid. Kids like me…With my kind of family…They turn out like Frank. Or they try to fix everything. Everyone."

"That sounds like you," Alex said. She reached for him, but he curled up against the passenger side door.

"I understood it. I knew this stuff," Bobby said. "One of the reasons I read so much. I'm trying to get enough knowledge to fight, to help myself. But I couldn't do enough."

"Bobby. You had so much to deal with. You can't blame yourself." She desperately wanted to wrap her arms around him, but everything about him said, "Do not touch."

"You survived. You got through it," Bobby said. "You're strong. So strong. It's one of the reasons I love you."

"I had my family. I never had to face the things you had to face when you were a kid. And I had help from counselors and doctors too. As much as I hate to admit it, it helped me. Most of all, I had you."

He finally looked at her.

"Bobby. You became a good, gentle, kind, smart man in spite of everything. You're still that man in spite of everything that's recently happened to you. You've had so much to deal with it. I think it'd be worse if you hadn't had some kind of reaction. I think I was more worried about you when you were so numb."

The tension began to ease from him. "That was part of the depression. I couldn't feel any more. I just couldn't feel anything. And there are still times—as much as I love you and I want to feel things—when I can't feel anything."

Alex couldn't stop from shivering.

"Alex?" He noticed, of course, even in the middle of his pain. "Are you ok?"

Alex had told Bobby she wanted this honesty from him; now was the time for her to prove that she meant it. She looked at Bobby, whose eyes were full of concern for her. She touched his cheek.

"You always care about other people. Always. Whether they deserve it or not. Even when it costs you a lot. Even when you're in pain. That's one of the reasons I love you. Thank you. Thank you for telling me the truth. For telling me what happened to you. I can't imagine how hard it is."

"It's not just," Bobby said. "That I don't want to worry you, to burden you. Part of it is because I'm a coward."

Alex spread her fingers across his cheek. "There are a lot of words to describe you, Bobby, but coward isn't one of them."

He blinked, and she saw the tears in his eyes.

"It's just. It was hard enough to go through it," he said. "To go through it again. To tell someone about it. Especially someone I love." He choked and shook and tried to pull away from her.

Alex clung to him. "No, you don't. You can't shut the door after opening it."

"I'm not good for you."

"We've talked about that," Alex said calmly. "You're very good for me. Very good." She inwardly cursed all the people who'd ever used Bobby Goren and told him that he was worthless.

"But…See, this is why…Kids…I could never have kids. I'm weak. I'm not just damaged. I was never together. I'm not whole. I'm not real."

"Bobby," she said firmly calmly, although she felt neither strong nor calm. "Please. You're not making sense. Please. Use your brain. Think."

He slumped over and fell into her arms. Alex rubbed his back.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You have to keep taking care of me."

"It's all right," Alex said. "I'm glad I can take care of you. That you let me take care of you."

She held him and rubbed his back until he stopped shivering. He stayed in her arms for several moments and then slowly slipped from her arms and sat up. She rested one hand on the back of his neck while he rubbed his eyes.

"Where are we?" he asked.

"No too far from home," Alex answered. "Better?"

He looked around. "I need to start having my emotional breakdowns in better surroundings."

Alex smiled, started the car, and pulled carefully back on the road.

"You know," Bobby said after a few minutes. "There's another reason why I wouldn't be a good father. I'm really not grown up."

"From what I've seen," Alex said. "A lot of the best fathers are still kids. Anyway, most men aren't grown up. You, at least, aren't grown up in the best ways."

"Uh?"

Alex smiled. "Don't worry. We can figure all of this out later. Right now, let's get home and get some rest."

END CHAPTER SIXTEEN


	17. Chapter 17

Spoilers for LOYALTY and THE WAR AT HOME

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

When they arrived at Alex's house, Bobby stumbled into the shower and collapsed into bed. He was asleep before he pulled the covers over his body. Alex smiled down at him and gently tucked the covers around him. She took a shower, but emerged from the bathroom full of nervous energy. It happened sometimes, especially after she started working with Bobby, that great exhaustion was followed by a burst of energy. She paced briefly by the bed. Bobby was blessedly and deeply asleep. Even his eyelashes were still and not fluttering as they often did. His graying curls cascaded over his forehead, but his face looked young and open. His mouth turned slightly upward in a smile. A tender, warm hand wrapped around Alex's heart and gently pressed it. Tears formed in her eyes as she brushed her hand across Bobby's head. He made a small, soft sound of contentment. Alex watched him sleep for a few minutes. "All right," she thought as she wiped her eyes. "I'm not ready to go to sleep." She leaned down and brushed her lips across Bobby's head, and padded out to the corner in the living room where her computer sat.

Alex and Bobby had changed their email providers and passwords since their departures from the NYPD, and had revealed the new information to a select few. This group included Zach Nichols, who was careful to email them only from locations and computers not known to the NYPD. A message from Zach waited for Alex on her machine, more to the point, a forwarded message. In his accompanying email, Zach explained the sender had requested he forward it to Alex and Bobby and that he was a supporter of both. Alex opened the message with some trepidation. She started at the sender's name, and read its contents with a mix of satisfaction and unease. She considered waking Bobby, but decided against that action. "It's not like we can decide right away," she thought. "And he can use the sleep. One of us should get a good night's sleep."

Bobby blinked, yawned, and stretched. His muscles protested just enough to let him know that they weren't used to playing baseball with kids under the age of twelve. He realized that Alex wasn't by his side. From the light peering though the curtains, he recognized the hour was much later than his usual wake up time. "I slept," he thought. "I really slept. Alex must've let me sleep in." The warm, rich smell of coffee reached him. "And she made coffee." He yawned and stretched again. "I feel like I could face anything today, as long as it's with Alex. Of course, I can usually face anything, as long as it's with Alex."

The bedroom door opened, and Alex entered. "Hey, sleepyhead," she said cheerfully. "You going to sleep all day?"

Bobby sat up, leaned back against the pillows, and folded his hands behind his head. "Hey, your family wore me out. And you let me sleep."

Alex smiled and walked to the bed. "You seemed to need the sleep. And my family wasn't the only reason you did." She sat on the bed. "You feel good?"

"Very good." He leaned forward and deeply kissed her. "Oh, Damn…I gotta go to the bathroom."

Alex crawled over him into the bed. "I'll be waiting right here," she purred.

He moved and returned to her quickly. "You know," he smiled. "I feel very good. I have lots of energy. I hope you got some rest last night."

"I think I can keep up with you." Alex grinned.

"Oh, let's just see about that."

Several highly enjoyable minutes later, Alex and Bobby lay curled together. One of his large hands drew warm circles on her back, while she wove her fingers through his hair.

"So," she said sleepily. "Did I have enough energy for you?"

"More than enough," Bobby murmured. "Oh, Alex, I'm so happy."

"I'm pretty happy too. Actually," she lifted her body to look down at him. "I've never been this happy."

He raised a hand to her cheek. "Even with Joe?"

"Even with Joe. He made me happy. Very happy. But not like this."

Bobby pulled Alex closer to him. "No one has come close to making me this happy."

For several minutes they held each other and enjoyed the feeling of skin against skin.

"I'd love to stay here forever," Bobby murmured. "But we gotta eat. And if we're going to eat, we gotta work."

Alex shifted her body. "We may have a job offer."

"Really?" Bobby sat up. "Deakins make us a firm offer?"

"No, but we might be working with him."

Bobby examined her. "You sound like I might not like this job."

"There are things about that you won't," Alex conceded. "But there are other things you'll probably like a lot."

"So what is this mysterious job?" Some undercover assignment for the Mayor?"

"Not far from the truth," Alex said. "Look, I had trouble going to sleep last night. I checked my email. Zach Nichols forwarded an email to me. It was from Leland Dockerty."

"Dockerty?" Bobby frowned. "Didn't he resign as Deputy Commissioner?"

"Yea." Alex was pleased that Bobby's reaction to Dockerty's name was neutral.

"I was a little…preoccupied during that case," Bobby said. "I know I said some terrible things to him. I remember he treated me a lot better than I deserved."

"You found his daughter and the man who killed her," Alex said. "And you did it under a lot of pressure. Dockerty was very grateful."

"What does he want from us?"

"He's been made the head of a commission to investigate NYPD corruption."

Bobby snorted.

"I know," Alex said. "Locking the barn door after all the animals have been stolen. And Dockerty admitted that it's obvious some people expect it to be window dressing. But he hopes he can make it something more. He needs and wants good people to conduct the investigations. He's made an offer to Deakns. To Logan."

"Deakins I can see. But Logan?" Bobby half smiled. "Logan was a great cop. Is a good guy. But I wonder if Dockerty knows what he's getting."

"Well, neither Logan or Deakins has said yes. I explained to him we're not exactly admirers of Chief Moran. I gather Dockerty isn't either."

"I sometimes wonder just who is supporting Moran."

"Anyway," Alex said. "It's a legitimate if temporary job offer. And if we got to work for Deakins, this might one of our first jobs. But, this may look worse than working for IAB. Not that we've ever been that popular with some elements in the NYPD."

Bobby was quiet.

"Bobby. Remember. This isn't your fault."

"Sorry." Bobby leaned back again against the pillows. "You're sure Dockerty knows about my run-ins with Moran?"

"Our run-ins with him. Dockerty referred to them in his email. I get the impression he thinks our feelings about Moran may be a plus or that they don't matter."

"He really wants both of us? I mean, my last encounter with him wasn't good. I was an ass."

Alex gently brushed a curl from Bobby's face. "I like your hair a little longer. Not too wild, but a little longer. If you were an ass, you had a good excuse. You shouldn't have been called in on that case."

"I should've taken leave. I know that. It's just." His hands started roving through her hair. "I'd always managed to keep my life in compartments. To keep work away from the rest of my life. My Mom in one place. And they everything started to bang into everything else. All the walls and fences broke down."

"You thought if you kept working, you could keep everything in place?" Alex nested on his chest.

"If I was thinking at all. I wasn't doing anything well. When I was at work, part of me was with Mom. When I was with Mom, part of me was at work." Bobby smiled sadly. "I wasn't good at either thing."

"You tried," Alex said. "And you did pretty well, especially for someone who was trying to everything by himself. What you did wrong was not asking for or accepting help."

"I'm lucky that my partner was so persistent," Bobby said softly.

"You found Dockerty's daughter. You found the guy who murdered her. You found out why, and you helped save her reputation. Ross told Dockerty about your problems, at least as much as he knew. Dockerty was pretty impressed."

"Poor Ross." Bobby shook his head. "If I had just talked to him…"

"If he'd had tried to talk to you. Dockerty's pretty angry about what happened to Ross. And Deakins. He wants us to investigate why Ross took the FBI job. And why Deakins was forced out. They're two more good reasons to take Dockerty's offer."

"Dockerty's wife. How is she? Are they still together?"

"They are," Alex said. "That's the main reason why he resigned. He wanted to try to save the marriage. She's a big supporter of us, by the way. I guess even in the middle of everything, she saw what you did, and when she learned about all you were going through, she was even more grateful."

"I liked her, from what I can remember," Bobby said. "What do you want to do?"

"I'd like to take the offer," Alex said. "I think we could contribute something. And it's not like things can get any worse with the department."

"I've already isolated you…"

"You never isolated me," Alex gently corrected him. "The Department—a lot of it—did that."

"We…You…Couldn't go back to it if we did this."

"We can't go back," Alex said evenly. "And I don't want to. But if we could make things a little better for other good cops…"

"I think you've made up your mind," Bobby said. "All right. Let's take Dockerty's offer." He smiled. "We could start by "officially" talking to the guys who wanted to talk to me at your family's picnic."

"That would be fun," Alex said.

"There's that forged email that hurt Deakins," Bobby said thoughtfully. "And there're the connections between Frank Adair and Moran."

"The bad guys," Alex said. "Aren't going to know what hit them."

END CHAPTER SEVENTEEN


	18. Chapter 18

Is that the light at the end of the tunnel or an oncoming train?

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

Bobby sold the Mustang to Lewis and his house to two young lawyers who were starting their private and professional lives. He and his books officially moved into Alex's house with the help of her brothers.

"I want you to know," Bobby said as he shared beers with Alex's brothers after the last box had been moved upstairs. "I asked Alex to marry me."

"Willing to make an honest woman out of her, uh?" Brian asked.

"Alex is the most honest woman I know," Bobby said. "It's just…I wanted you all to know that…This is it for me. Alex is it."

The Eames brothers stared into their beers, at the carpet, out the window, at the TV, everywhere but at each other and Bobby.

"One thing you need to know about the Eames family," Patrick finally said. "We don't do well with straightforward, honest expressions of emotion. Snark, jokes, insults, putdowns, we're great. But real, honest, emotions. We have trouble."

Bobby smiled. "'I'll avoid them at all cost."

"Just remember," Mike said. "The worse the joke and the insult, the more the love."

"Alex must love us all a lot," Brian said. "She makes the worst jokes and best insults of all of us."

It was a hot day; Bobby had a lot of books; and his room was on the second floor. Alex's brothers were still very careful with the shelves and the books, and Bobby didn't begrudge them the breaks they took to watch the Mets game and drink a beer. He'd learned that Patrick was a beer snob; that Mike was being very careful about his beer consumption, and that Brian would drink almost anything if it was free. They'd managed to finish bringing in all the boxes of books and putting the shelves together. Bobby assured them he'd be fine with putting the books on the shelves. As they sat watching the last innings of the game, Bobby felt something vaguely familiar. He'd felt it occasionally in his work as a cop; he remembered a few rare moments when he felt it as a kid; he'd felt it most strongly and often when he was in the Army. Bobby glanced around at the Eames brothers sprawled around the living room. As they laughed and talked and sipped their cold beers, Bobby felt as if he belonged. He belonged; this small group of men liked him; wanted to be with him; wanted to help him; would accept his help. Bobby wasn't sure how to react.

"Hey, Goren?" Patrick asked. "You ok over there? Alex told me you were a Mets fan, and I know they're not playing well, but it's not that bad."

Bobby smiled. "Some of us take baseball more seriously than others."

"If you're a Mets fan and take baseball seriously," Brian said. "Then you are in major trouble."

Voices came from the back of the house. Alex appeared, followed by her father. John Eames stared in mock horror at his sons and Bobby.

"Lexie. I don't believe it. Are these really your brothers? Talking with each other? Not fighting?"

Bobby scrambled to his feet. "It may be that they're tired, Sir. They've been a big help."

"And they're drinking free beer," Alex said. "Good free beer. That's one of the few things that'll keep them quiet and docile."

"Your Mom is waiting for us in the van," Mr. Eames said. "If you guys are sober enough, we can get some dinner at Murphy's."

"You guys can ride with Mom and Dad," Alex said. "They can drop you back at their house to get your cars. Bobby and I can ride together."

"We gotta ride with our parents?" Patrick asked in mock horror.

"Maybe someday we'll let you play with the grownups," Alex answered. "And just what are you all doing lounging around here?"

"They got it done," Bobby said quickly. "All the shelves and boxes are in the room. They got my desk and old chair up there too."

"Didn't break anything either," Mike said. "And Goren said he wanted to unpack the books by himself."

"And you put the stuff you took out of there where I told you?" Alex asked.

"Yea," Brian said. "It's all piled up on your bed."

"It better not be," Alex said. "Or you're not getting to dinner tonight."

"Retreat!" Patrick yelled and ran to the door.

"Right behind you, bro," Brian said.

"Don't want Mom to get lonely," Mike said as he followed his brothers out the door.

"There they go," Johnny Eames said. "My own Three Stooges. We'll see you at Murphy's, Lexie."

"Don't worry. Everything is stacked neatly in the garage." Bobby said as he and Alex walked to her car. We tried to be careful. You should be able to still get your car in."

"Good," Alex said. "How do you like your man cave?"

"More like a man attic," Bobby said. "But I like it a lot. I just need to get the books on the shelves and some stuff on the walls." He paused before he opened the car door. "That's ok, isn't it? I can put stuff on the walls?"

Alex smiled as she started her car. "It's your room, Bobby. You can do what you want with it short of turning it into a frat room house."

"It's just…" Bobby rubbed the back of his neck. "It's your home, Alex, and I don't want to presume or overstep…"

"Bobby. It's your home now. As much as it is mine."

"It's just…It's hard for me…It's hard for me to think of any place as home. I lived in my old place since I was a kid, but I never really thought of it as home. It was a place to sleep and keep my stuff. Lately, a place to hide. But, it never felt like what other people meant when they talked about home. Going home with you. Knowing you're there. That seems to be what people mean when they say home. It…It means a lot to me."

Alex thought for a moment that she might not be able to drive. Her eyes blurred, and she struggled to grip the steering wheel. She glanced at Bobby, who still stared out the window. He tried to hide his emotions with a deep interest in the passing scenery.

"It means a lot to me," she said when she could trust her voice. "That you feel that way."

After they had travelled several blocks in silence, Bobby placed his left hand behind Alex's head. His fingers played with her hair.

"You keep doing that," Alex said. "And we'll never get to the restaurant."

"Is the food there that good?" Bobby asked.

"It's ok." Alex found it difficult to concentrate on the road. "But it does let my family have a big table together—or tables, depending on how many of us are there."

"All right," Bobby said reluctantly. "But later…"

Alex wondered how Bobby could make the word "later" sound so sensual. As much as she wanted to be with her family and as hungry as she was, Alex strongly considered racing to her house.

"It'll have to be later," Bobby continued. "I'm not a kid any more, Alex. I've worked hard today, and I'm hungry. I need a little down time and food."

"One of the many things I love about you," Alex said. "Is your honesty."

Murphy's was a large, rambling building surrounded by lots of parking spaces. The bar at its center began the same year Johnny Eames graduated from the Academy, and the young cop celebrated his graduation and bachelor party there. His and Mary Doyle's wedding reception was one of the first events held in the large hall Matt Murphy added to the bar (it helped the newlyweds' tight budget that Matt was a cousin of the bride and offered a considerable discount for the use of the hall), and the hall became the sight of various Eames' celebrations and rituals through the years. Baptisms, First Communions, Confirmations, graduations, wedding receptions (Alex fought Joe's mother's insistence that her son's wedding reception be held at a fancier venue with a better address. "I'm not starting this marriage with a huge debt or your mother holding her contributions over us," Alex told Joe), and wakes (roughly two years after that wedding reception, Joe's wake was held at Murphy's Bar. His mother attended long enough only to down several free drinks and to tell Alex that she'd never been good enough for Joe and that now she'd get to spend the rest of her life as a childless widow. After Alex related this and several other stories about her conflicts with Joe's family, Bobby commented, "I understand why you didn't stay in touch with them."). Murphy's grew over the years to include a pool hall, an area for darts, and a large buffet which attracted the growing Eames family, whose members sought employment as well as food and drink. Alex moved from dishwashing to bussing tables to waitress to bartender, using her wages for college and life. Shortly after her departure from the NYPD became general knowledge, the latest of the Murphy clan to own the place let Alex know there was always a place for her to work for him.

The Irish faces that were at the bar, the tables, and in the halls still appeared at Murphy's, but they were joined over the years by Italian, Eastern European, Asian, Hispanic, and black faces. Unlike other establishments, Murphy's owners insisted on an open and tolerant policy for both its patrons and employees. This may have helped to explain why the place not only survived but thrived while several of its competitors failed. It wasn't exactly a cop hangout, but the bar held a reputation as a place where a cop could enjoy a drink on his or her way home; where a fundraiser for a wounded cop or widow could be held without any problems. Enough cops patronized it that it wouldn't have been Bobby Goren's first choice for a drink or a meal. He doubted he would've ever entered the place if the Eames family members weren't regulars, enough that they had their own tables in a corner.

"Do you think?" Bobby asked as they neared Murphy's. "That we'll run into any cops?"

"If we do," Alex said cheerfully. "And they give us any trouble, we can show them our Special Investigator badges. Dockerty and the other people on the commission said they wanted people to know what we were doing. And while my family is an excellent network for spreading news, especially through the NYPD, I don't think we should rely only on it."

Bobby half-smiled. "Understood. But…" He unbuckled his seatbelt as Alex parked the car. "We're going to be less popular than IAB with some people."

"And far more effective," Alex smiled.

Whether because of the relatively early hour or their avoidance of the bar, Alex and Bobby didn't encounter any cops. By the time they reached the Eames corner, a large and happy group was already present. Several people gave Alex and Bobby a hard time about being among the last to arrive. The only seats available—by plan, Alex suspected—were nest to Mr. and Mrs. Eames. Alex started to take the empty seat next to her father, but Bobby slipped into it.

"It's ok," he whispered to her. "You know I like your Dad."

Alex hadn't seen several members of her family since the ill fated picnic of months past, and gatherings of the majority of Eameses were increasingly rare. She quickly and happily joined in the conversations. Bobby watched and listened.

"They're a little overwhelming, aren't they, Bobby?" Mr. Eames asked.

Bobby smiled. "A little. But it's good."

"You've been very good for her." Mr. Eames nodded towards Alex.

"To say she's been good for me," Bobby answered. "Everything is better because of her."

"I understand you offered to make an honest woman out of her," Mr. Eames said.

"Yes. Like I told your sons. She's already the most honest person I know. But she likes being her own person. Right now, she's happy. I'll do whatever she wants. For me, this is it." Bobby echoed his earlier words. "She's it. She's the one."

Alex became aware of the conversation going on next to her. She knew her father could be a tough guardian of his children, especially of his daughter. All of the Eames children's boy and girlfriends had faced her father, and Bobby handled it better than most. But she knew that the sheer size and exuberance of her family could overwhelm Bobby. She'd learned that he occasionally needed to pull back from her family and catch his breath.

"Hey," she said and touched Bobby's arm. "You ok?"

"I'm good. I may be getting used to your family's organized chaos," Bobby said.

"What's that? Organized chaos?" Mr. Eames asked. "Lexie, what have you been telling Bobby about our family?"

"Nothing bad, Sir. I promise you," Bobby said.

"Grandpa!" One of the granddaughters rushed up to Mr. Eames, and immediately became the focus of all of her grandfather's attention. It wasn't readily apparent to everyone, but Alex saw the relief in Bobby that the attention was no longer on him.

The spotlight remained away from Bobby for most of the rest of the evening. All of Alex's nieces and nephews who were present made sure to see and speak with him. He was one of their favorite people.

By the time the Eames dinner broke up, Murphy's was in the middle of its Saturday night rush. Alex appreciated that her brother subtly walked with her and Bobby through the restaurant, and she sensed Bobby was equally grateful. She recognized several cops in the crowd, and some curious and even unpleasant looks followed them. There was a lot of hugging and talking in the parking lot; Alex once commented to Bobby that it often took her family as long to say goodbye as it did for them to eat. As she hugged her younger sister, Alex saw Bobby standing by her car. There was a sad, wistful look on his face, one that she'd seen before when he was watching her or other happy families.

"You guys ok?" Mike asked as her hugged her.

"Yea. Thanks for helping out today, Mike. I know it sounds kinda silly, but this sort of thing means a lot to Bobby." Alex saw her nephew Nate hugging Bobby. "He didn't have this when he was a kid. I don't think he's had a lot of it in his life."

"He's a good guy. He deserves a good life." Mike smiled. "He almost deserves you."

"High praise. Thanks, Mike."

"You guys be careful."

"We will."

Bobby drove. Alex had had a one or two more drinks than him. As he drove, Bobby looked repeatedly into the rearview mirror.

"What is it?" Alex asked.

"Someone is following us…"

END CHAPTER EIGHTEEN


	19. Chapter 19

CHAPTER NINETEEN

Alex sprang to attention. "You're sure…" She looked in the passenger side mirror. "Of course you're sure."

"It screams cops," Bobby said calmly. "Call Deakins."

Alex was punching the number on her cell phone before Bobby stopped speaking. Her call went to Deakins' voice mail; Alex left a short, clear message. She again checked the mirror.

"They're pretty obvious," she said. "Incompetent, or just sending a message?"

"Whatever they're doing," Bobby said. "I do not want them to follow us home."

For all of her concern about who was following them, Alex felt a rush of triumph. Bobby thought of her house as "home".

"If we stop somewhere," Bobby said calmly. "We'll have more control. We pick the place where we stop. We can go from the defensive to the offensive. Especially if they don't know that we have badges and guns."

Alex's cell chirped. She answered, "Thanks for getting back to me so quick, Jimmy."

Bobby half smiled. He still caught himself calling Deakins "Captain" half the time he spoke with him. Alex found calling him "Jimmy" much easier. Bobby divided his attention between the road and the car behind them.

"He agrees with you," Alex said as she closed her phone. "He suggested we stop at the city bus garage near the bridge. It's well lit, and there are a lot of restaurants and bars nearby. He said he and Mike Logan could be there pretty quick. Maybe we could find out who these guys are and what they want. I told him ok."

Bobby nodded. "I know where you mean. That looks like Frank Corelli and his partner. What's his name?"

"Grange," Alex said. "Don Grange. Deakins just sent us his file. Bad cop. Lazy cop. I'm betting cowardly cop."

"Bully. That's what I think about Corelli too. But he seems to have a better sense of self preservation." Bobby signaled for a turn. "I wish you were driving. Hang on."

Bobby stepped on the gas, and the car sped down the street. The black car didn't respond at first.

"Maybe we were wrong," Alex said.

As Bobby eased on the pedal, the black car lurched forward.

"Then again, maybe we weren't," Alex said as Bobby sped up again.

For the next few blocks it was difficult for Bobby to keep the car on his tail and to drive fast enough to make the chase believable.

Alex unlocked the glove box and carefully pulled two guns from it. "These guys are not good at this," she said.

Bobby, his eyes on the road, nodded. "Get ready. We're almost there."

He spun the car into a street that dead ended in an empty space in front of a locked gate. Behind the gate were rows of city buses. Bobby brought the car to a stop in the dark shadows cast by several of those buses.

"Now," he said as he took his gun from Alex. "Let's see what happens."

Alex held her gun tightly. Neither her's nor Bobby's was the heavy and large style favored by the NYPD. She hoped they were sufficient for whatever they faced.

The black car sped up through the dead end street and careened to a stop, but almost hit the locked gate. Bobby stepped on the accelerator and blocked the car's way back to the street. He and Alex leaped from the car. As they rushed forward, Bobby knocked several heavy trash cans and traffic cones so they fell in front of and around Alex's car and created even more obstacles. He joined Alex, who stood out of the security lights' glare and slightly protected by the trash cans. The black car's occupants stumbled out of its front seat.

"Damn, Frank! You never could drive!"

"You didn't keep an eye on them! Where are they, Don? Where are they?"

Bobby looked at Alex, and raised his gun. "Right here!" he yelled.

Corelli and Grange spun to face Bobby and Alex. They blinked in the lights' glare. They started to reach for their guns, but Bobby stepped out of the shadows.

"Don't," he warned.

Corelli and Grange stared at each other.

Alex stepped from the shadows and stood beside Bobby. Her gun was pointed at the two men.

"My partner," Bobby said evenly. "Has some of the highest marksmanship scores the NYPD has ever seen."

"Keep your hands away from your guns," Alex said.

"You know how much trouble you're in?" Corelli yelled."You're assaulting police officers…"

"And I wonder if you bothered to call for backup," Bobby mused. "And I seriously doubt you're on anything approaching official police business."

"On the other hand." Alex kept her gun leveled on the two men as she pulled a badge from a pocket. "We are on official business." She held up the badge.

"The two of you are ex-cops…Disgraced," Grange sneered.

Bobby also kept his gun carefully on the two men as he pulled an ID from his pocket. "Check this out. Ms. Eames has one of these to go with that badge. And I've got one of those badges too."

"And we didn't get them from a toy store," Alex added.

Bobby edged closer to Corelli and Grange. "If you look, you'll see we're Special Investigators."

"We're working for the Dockerty Commission. Which is working with the FBI. You may have heard about that," Alex said.

Corelli's look of dismay indicated that he had heard; Grange's look of confusion suggested that he hadn't.

"You guys saved us a lot of time," Alex continued. "We wanted to talk to you. But we'd hate to arrest you for stalking two federal officers."

"Look," Corelli said. "We were just doing our jobs. We don't know anything."

A car slowly pulled up and stopped. Alex turned to face it, while Bobby remained focused on Corelli and Grange, whose faces fell when James Deakins and Mike Logan emerged from the car.

"See, Jimmy," Logan said. "I told you they wouldn't need any help."

"I know," Deakins said. "But I always enjoyed seeing them in action."

"Logan and Deakins," Grange sneered. "A whack job and a traitor."

Bobby lowered his gun and stepped towards Grange, who stumbled back with a look of terror.

"I'm the "whack job"," Bobby said in a voice all the more threatening for its softness. "And James Deakins was devoted enough to the NYPD that he resigned instead of shaming it."

"Goren," Deakins said amiably. "I think these gentlemen might want to help with our investigation. Especially when they learn the people they work with will be arrested tonight or tomorrow."

"We won't tell you anything!" Grange shouted. Corelli shifted slightly away from him.

"You have a choice," Deakins said. "You can talk to us. Or we can subpoena you."

Grange seethed, but Corelli looked uneasy. "Look, I don't know that much," Corelli said. "I'm just doing what my captain told me to do."

Alex and Bobby glanced at each other. Corelli's captain was behind the false email that led to Deakins' resignation.

"Your captain is one of the subjects of our investigation," Alex said. "And the FBI's."

"I know what this is really about!" Grange stepped forward. "You're after Chief Moran!"

"There's good reasons for that," Logan said. "The FBI and the Dockerty commission have found his ties to Frank Adair and several mob members. Moran's protected dirty cops while attacking good ones. Like Goren and Eames and Deakins here. I bet you two don't even know Goren has a Medal of Honor."

Bobby flushed and shifted uncomfortably on his feet.

"Moran's had it in for Goren since he showed how badly the department blew the investigation of my husband's murder," Alex said. "And how Patrick Copa lied about what happened when Kevin Quinn was killed. Kenny Moran can't kiss Bobby Goren's shoes. You know what else? He tried to bribe me with a captaincy. I fired Goren because I thought it would hurt him less. And then I resigned."

"That…That's not the story we got," Corelli stammered.

"I bet you didn't," Logan snorted. "And I bet you didn't know Moran threw me to a dirty D.A."

"Frank," Grange said. "Don't listen. We know what we're supposed to do…"

"Damnit, Don!" Corelli threw up his hands. "Look at the headlines! We're on the wrong side. Not just because Kenny Moran's a corrupt SOB, but because he's losing. I'm not going down with him." Corelli looked at the quartet facing him. "I can tell you a lot," he said. "But I want immunity. I want everything I can get."

"Frank!" Grange stepped toward Corelli and raised his hand to his jacket.

"Don't do it!" Alex yelled.

"I wouldn't try it," Logan said. "Eames is one of the best shots in the Department. Or had."

"The truth is that we outrank you guys," Deakins said. "But I don't know what we can offer you. We have people to answer to, and you're getting in late. A lot of people have already made deals. It'll depend on what you can give us."

Corelli was defeated. "You'll take care of me? Of my family?"

Alex thought the pleased look on Deakins' face was remarkably similar to the one he had when she and Bobby brought him good results.

"We'll do what we can. I promise you," Deakins said.

Grange was still fighting. "Frank! You bastard! What are you doing? We gotta stick with Moran!"

"If you do," Deakins said. "You'll go down with him. Tomorrow morning a federal grand jury will indict him. A local grand jury is waiting for evidence from the Dockerty Commission. Moran is going down. And I hear he's going to take down anyone he can with him."

"I'm going to give you my gun and badge," Corelli said. He reached slowly into his jacket, pulled his gun out by its butt, and held it out to Bobby.

"Frank! You bastard!" Granger yanked his gun from his jacket and pointed it at Corelli.

Alex, Logan, and Deakins all yelled at Grange to drop his weapon. Bobby sprang to block Corelli from Grange. Alex fired, and Grange spun into a heap on the pavement. Bobby grabbed Corelli's gun, and Logan sprang to seize Grange's gun. A bright red stain blossomed on Grange's right arm.

"I'm shot! I'm shot!" Grange whined.

"You're luck Eames is such a good shot and feeling generous," Logan said.

Deakins was already on his cell phone making calls. He walked to Alex. "Sorry," he said. "It was a good shot, but…"

Alex handed her gun to him. "Is the routine the same for special investigators as cops?"

"There'll be a few more hoops, although…" Deakins turned towards Corelli. "It was a good shoot, wasn't it?"

"It was," Corelli said. "By the time I get through talking, they'll give her a medal."

"That's not necessary," Alex said. "I just want to keep my gun and my badge."

The ambulance, the FBI, and Leland Dockerty arrived at roughly the same time. The cops from the local station, fortunately, arrived a few minutes later. Alex sat quietly in her car with Bobby and Logan standing guard while arguments took place. The EMTs bundled Grange into the ambulance, but before it drove away one of the techs waved to Deakins. Deakins briefly poked his head into the bus, and then walked over to Dockerty, who watched the proceedings with a look of grim satisfaction, and the FBI agents.

"Give you odds," Logan said. "That Grange is now looking to deal."

"Sucker bet," Bobby said. He turned and looked down at Alex. "You ok?"

"I'm starting to regret that big dinner I had," Alex said. "But I'm ok."

"It was a good shot," Logan said. "He pulled his piece, and he wanted to kill Corelli. And Goren had to get all heroic…" Logan studied Alex. "Of course," he said. "Just because you're good at something, doesn't mean you want to do it."

"Thanks, Mike," Alex said softly. "You get it."

"Mike's a good, smart guy," Bobby said. "Of course he gets it."

"High praise from a good source," Logan said. "Thanks."

The local Brass arrived. The captain clearly knew Deakins; it became apparent that he also liked Deakins and was willing to cooperate with the FBI. The Feds took charge of Corelli and walked him towards a car. Dockerty and Deakins headed to Alex's car.

"I'm sorry you're being put through this, Ms. Eames," Dockerty said. "But don't worry. You'll have your gun and badge back by morning. Both Corelli and Grange are telling the same story. Grange will be charged with attempted assault at least. They're both apparently eager to talk to us."

A siren split through the night, and a NYPD patrol car slammed to a stop in the space recently occupied by the ambulance. Chief of Detectives Kenny Moran emerged from its passenger side. The lead FBI agent turned quickly to Deakins and Dockerty.

"You know," the agent said. "We have more than enough to charge Moran with conspiracy to commit murder."

"He's a possible flight risk if he knows about the indictment," Logan said.

Moran was about to charge at the local captain. "It'd be nice to spare him Moran's temper tantrum," Deakins said.

"Do what you want," Dockerty said.

The agent waved to the other Feds. "Let's take him."

As the FBI agents surrounded Moran, Deakins stepped up to the lead agent and whispered in his ear. The agent half-smiled, thought for a moment, and turned to Bobby.

"Special Investigator Goren," he said. "Would you like to be part of this arrest?"

Bobby looked at Logan, at Deakins, and at Alex.

"I don't want to put the cuffs on him," Bobby said deliberately. "But I'd like him to know that I'm here. And working with you."

Logan and Alex smiled. The FBI agent nodded. "A moderate, reasonable response. Just walk with me, Goren. I dislike this guy enough and know enough about what he did to you and other good cops that I want to see his face when I walk up there with you."

Bobby walked with the agent. Moran stood in the glare of the streetlights, flashlights, and car headlights. He blinked in shock, and seemed to have shrunk in size and attitude. A female agent who looked like a slightly younger and taller version of Alex snapped the cuffs on Moran, while another recited his rights. Dockerty stood among the agents. The local captain didn't try to hide his satisfaction at Moran's plight. Deakins stood just behind Dockerty; the former captain's face was a mix of anger, regret, and satisfaction. Alex had stepped from her car and managed to keep her a face a blank. Logan made no attempt to hide his feelings, which were very much like Deakins'.

Bobby's face was also a blank, partly because he wasn't sure what he felt. He knew most people would feel some sort of triumph. If Bobby thought of anyone as an enemy, Kenny Moran was it, not only because of his treatment of Bobby, but because of his treatment of Alex. But Bobby felt no triumph. He was relieved that Moran was no longer in a position to hurt Alex or other good cops and help bad cops. As Bobby watched Moran's arrest, he realized the strongest emotion he felt was pity. Pity for a man who'd climbed from walking a beat to the highest levels of the NYPD, to a point where his name was mentioned along with the words, "Deputy Commissioner", "Commissioner", even "Chief of Police". Moran had a commendable record as a uniform and a detective, a record as impressive as Frank Adair's.

"What happened?" Bobby wondered. "They were good men. Adair had a terrible childhood. Like Logan's. Like mine. Moran's childhood looks like it was great. Like Deakins..Like Ross. Like Eames. What's the difference?"

Bobby turned to look at Alex, who stood next to Logan. "They see things more clearly," Bobby thought. "More black and white. Not the grey I see. Maybe…Maybe because we all met and know each other. Maybe…I know Alex saved me. Saved me in so many ways. Did I save her? And others…"

"Goren!" Moran choked. "What's he doing here?"

"Special Investigator Goren," the lead FBI agent said. "He's been very helpful in this case. Also Special Investigator Eames."

Moran glared daggers at Bobby, who responded with a calm, steady gaze.

"Whack job," Moran muttered as the FBI agents shuffled him to a car. "Whack job!" Moran's voice rose. "You shoulda stayed in that nut house! " The agents pushed Moran into the back seat. "Whack job!" Moran screamed. "You shoulda stayed because that's where you'll wind up! And you'll take Eames with you!"

The car sped away. The FBI agent spoke with Deakins and Dockerty. Alex walked away from Logan and up to Bobby, who stared at the car's fading lights.

END CHAPTER NINETEEN


	20. Chapter 20

And what a long, strange trip it's been...

CHAPTER TWENTY

It was nearly two in the morning when Alex and Bobby finally got home. The local captain arranged for Logan, Deakins, Bobby and Alex to make their statements as quickly and smoothly as possible. By the time he finished his statement, Bobby operated on fumes. The adrenaline rush of earlier was gone, replaced by exhaustion and emptiness. Years of training, experience and his own will got him through the painful wait for Alex to finish her interview. He was stunned to realize he only had to wait about fifteen minutes for her. It seemed like several hours.

"Don't worry, Ms. Eames," the captain told Alex. "It was clearly self defense and protecting your colleagues. You'll have your gun back tomorrow. Hell, I'd give it to you now, but I gotta make this look good."

"I understand," Alex said. "We'll be around downtown for Moran's arraignment. I'll pick it up after that."

Mike Logan gave them a ride back to Alex's cars. Local cops had kept an eye on it, and Alex and Bobby were glad to see it was in good shape.

"You two going to stay out of trouble?" Logan asked.

"We'll try," Alex answered. "We're pretty close to home, but trouble sure has a way of finding us."

"Me," Bobby thought. "It always finds me."

"Thanks for coming, Mike," Alex said warmly. "I knew we were ok, but it was sure good to see you and Deakins show up."

"Happy to oblige," Logan said. "Always good to be wanted. The two of you take care of yourselves…And each other."

Alex still felt some residue of her adrenaline rush, and she took the wheel. "You look wiped out," she said to Bobby.

"I'm afraid I am." Bobby sat heavily in the passenger seat. "I…I'm sorry, Alex. I'm…I wasn't…"

"You were a big help," Alex said.

"Not very fast with my gun. Never have been."

"I know. I've seen you on the gun range. It's good you prefer talking to shooting." Alex ran a hand through her hair.

"You ok?" Bobby asked gently.

"Yea…Just…Still a little hyper. Never enjoy shooting my weapon. And he was a cop, even if he was a bad one."

Bobby rested his hand softly on Alex's shoulder. "Yea, I know it upsets you. You only do it when you have to. You probably saved Corelli's life tonight." He felt the rising tension in her shoulder.

Alex said nothing until she parked the car in her drive. "He wasn't looking at Corelli when he pulled his gun," she said as she stepped from the car. "He was looking at you, Bobby. He hated you. And he would've killed you."

Her words added to the weight on Bobby's shoulders. He silently followed her into the house, but not into the bedroom. He dragged his body to the room where the empty bookshelves waited to be filled with the many books resting in the boxes. Bobby fell heavily into the large, comfortable, heavily stuffed chair that begged for someone to curl up in it with a book. It was so big that Alex and Bobby could snugly nest in it together. After a few moments, Alex knocked on the open door. Bobby lifted his head.

"You don't have to knock," he said. "Especially if the door's open."

"This is your room," Alex said. "Your space. I respect that."

"Well, this is your formal admittance." He tried to smile.

Alex stepped forward and knelt at his knees. She looked at him, and his heart shattered.

"You may need another chair in here." She placed her hand on his knee.

He felt too much and was too tired to speak. He could've lost Alex, he could've lost his life tonight. He held his head in his hands.

"C'mon," Alex said gently. "You're tired. Exhausted. Come to bed."

He took a long, shaky breath. "You know," he said in a weary and sad voice. "We said there might be times when we need to be away from each other for a while?"

Alex hoped he didn't hear the pounding of her heart. "Yea."

"I…I think. I need that…I need some space right now. Just some time to think. I'm so tired…But so many thoughts…So much is going through my head."

Alex struggled not to throw herself in his arms. "But I need you tonight!" she thought. "I almost killed a man tonight. I almost lost you tonight."

"I…I'm not…Can't…Go anywhere," Bobby said almost as if in response to her thoughts. "I…I just need a little time alone. I'm sorry. I…Please, Alex. I…Please. I'm not going anywhere. I just need a little time. I'm sorry…Please."

Alex slowly stood. "Ok." She was pleased that her voice didn't betray her feelings. "You know I'm just a few feet away. And…And I want you. And I need you too."

"I…I know."

Alex bent down and brushed her lips across his forehead. "Remember," she whispered. "You're not a "whack job"."

Bobby shivered.

"You're not going to wind up in a mental hospital. You're not bringing or going to bring me down. I know that."

She started to walk out of the room.

"Alex…"

"Yea?" She paused in the doorway.

"Thank you. I love you."

She fought the urge to rush back to him. "I love you."

She walked to the bedroom and slipped under the sheet. She willed herself to stay there. "I can't force him," she thought. "I love him because he's him, and I have to let him be him. I have to let him be an independent person, just like he does for me."

She lay in the dark and listened for any sound of him. The house was alive; Alex thought every creak and crack might be Bobby. After several of the longest minutes of her life, she heard several heavy steps. She held her breath as she heard the door open. The bed shifted with his weight when he sat on it. She lay on her side, facing away from him. She sensed him shedding his shoes, socks and clothes. He slipped his long legs under the sheet and lay next to her. She felt his soft breath on the back of her neck. His lips brushed against her hair.

"Hey," she said softly.

"I'm sorry I woke you up," he whispered.

"I wasn't asleep," she said. She took his hand that rested on her shoulder and gently pulled it down so it wrapped around her waist.

"I'm sorry I kept you awake."

"Bobby, I'm awake for a lot of reasons. Worrying about you is just one of them." She wove her fingers through his.

"You shouldn't have to…"

"Listen," she said patiently. "You worry about me, right?"

"Uh…Yea…But…"

"I hate to break it to you, Bobby, but worrying about the people you love is part of the package."

His grip on her hand tightened slightly. He was silent, and Alex hoped he might have fallen asleep.

"I…I wish," he said, so softly that she strained to hear him although he was right behind her. "I wish I could make love with you. When…Just after…My head…It's clear. It's calm. I'm at peace. That's never happened with anyone else. Only you, Alex. Only you."

She fought the cry of joy that swelled in her, but she couldn't fight her need to see his face. She turned to face him. In the dim light of her bedroom—THEIR bedroom—she could just make out Bobby's great, dark eyes. She touched his cheek.

"But," he said in a weary, sad voice. "I'm so tired. And so much is buzzing through my head. It's weird, but when I'm really tired, it's worse. I can't get hold of all my thoughts. I just can't."

Alex kissed him. One of her hands tangled in his curls; the other rested on his bare chest. She finally broke the kiss, and rested her forehead against his.

"Did that help?" she asked.

"Yes…I…I thought I was going to lose you tonight," he confessed.

"I was afraid…I was afraid I might lose you…"

"Oh, Alex…Baby…My love…"

And suddenly they were both crying and desperately clinging to each other. All of their careful control over their feelings over everything that had happened collapsed. Neither knew how long they cried in each other's arms. Alex finally became aware that her arms were wrapped around Bobby's head which lay on her breasts. His tears soaked her T-shirt. He was so still that she thought he might be asleep.

"Thank you," Bobby said, and Alex felts his words as much as she heard them. "Thank you for letting me work things out…Or at least try to work them out."

"I have to let you be you," she replied. "I love you because you're you."

"I can't imagine how hard this night has been for you…And everything in the past months." His left hand touched her cheek. "It's been a long, strange trip."

"It was more than worth it," Alex said. "It brought us together. Kept us together."

"Yea. And it's over. Or at least part of it is almost over. Thank you."

"You're welcome," Alex said warmly. "And thank you too. We made it."

"Yea. In the end, they couldn't break us." Bobby yawned. "Gosh, I'm tired."

"Get some sleep," Alex said. "And later you can keep that promise of "later"."

Bobby smiled. "Ok."

And they slept.

END


End file.
